even if it kills me /open

[Fire]

and the sad truth
of the matter is
i'll never get over it

Much like the past few weeks, Bion found it very difficult to sleep. He sat calmly in the entrance to the dens as the early morning chill nipped at his skin, watching with bright eyes as the pale blue and grey sky began to lighten. Lack of sleep was clearly etched around them, but his emerald gaze was as brilliant and dazzling as the day he was born. Besides the odd birdsong erupting from the depths of Starlight Forest, and his steady breathing, the world was completely tranquil. Whoever he was born to, this was his home and its beauty was breath-taking. He hadn't felt this content for as long as he could remember, but this was because he knew how wonderful the future was going to be. His heart swelled as he imagined Esmerelda sitting next to him, as she soon would be, looking out at the wonderful scenery with him. At this thought, his previously serene composure was broken as he found himself grinning wildly. He looked down at the ground in embarrassment, almost in apology to the mountains and the first rays of sunshine that were peeping over them. I just can't help it.

He had found that Esmerelda's presence in his life was fixing a lot of things he had thought to be broken, and he now understood things a lot clearer. The past was still vague and gloopy, but the present was as clear as day. He knew he needed to see Rose and Raiden again, and he desperately needed to see Bandit. He wanted to sort things out and he needed to remember who he used to be, because he knew that the only person that could ever really tell him the truth was his own memory. Really, why would Rose and Raiden lie to him? Was it a Falling Moon trick? He didn't think so, he didn't believe anybody would be cruel enough to pretend to be his parents. In any case, if they weren't his parents then who were? He didn't believe them to be dead, surely Bandit would've told him, and even if they weren't his parents, then maybe he'd gain some new friends and some good would come out of this mess. He couldn't help feeling that this was his fault, either. If he could just remember. What if he was breaking their heart? He couldn't handle that, and the thought brought his mood down briefly. Whoever they were, perhaps spending more time with them would bring something back. Anything. A glimpse of the past, a few sentences. He'd been concentrating as hard as he could but no good had come of it.

Then again, what about what Esmerelda has said? Home is where your heart is. He considered this with a strangely worried expression. Did it really not matter who his real parents were? Was he just tormenting himself with something he could never have back? Questions swarmed his mind and his eyes brimming with tears, but he quickly blinked them away. No. Es would help him. They would get through this together, and whatever happened, happened. There was nothing wrong with wanting to know the person you were supposed to become. Having gaps in your memory was enough to make anybody feel incomplete. If he could just remember then maybe he could start to feel whole and happy again, and everything would be better than it ever had been. A smile began to grow on his face again and he sighed very suddenly and very heavily. He could fix this. Fixing things was his specialty.

but i'm gonna try
to get better
and overcome each moment
in my own way

[[Midnight]]

Taya was running, as usual. Perhaps that was what really kept her as slim and tiny as she was; every morning she woke she felt as though she needed a short jog to really get her eyes open. After a meal she always had to take a sprint around a piece of territory to work off the drowsiness that digestion gave her. And, of course, when the weather was cooler and forgiving to a hot, sticky pelt, Taya took advantage and ran for a long time.

Nobody was ever in a playful mood. She missed the simpleness of romping every once in a while. A lot of wolves here were terribly uptight, Taya had realized. She loved 'em all, she did, but sometimes she felt lonely and out of place. Who else in this valley liked to live for the moment?

She sighed heavily and padded for the dens, where she would probably settle down for a rest. Maybe a nap, if she could manage.

Moments after he sigh, she heard it echoe. A loud sigh, much heavier than hers, and more masculine. She stopped walking and cocked her head, peering around her. She wandered a few paces, rounding the corner of the rocky den, and she saw Bion lying there, though she did not expect to see a smile on his face. The sigh had sounded meloncholy, and he looked happy, fulfilled.

She didn't know much about Bion, but his smile was contagious, so Taya smiled, too.

"Hello there," she greeted, quietly in case her louder voice would disturb his peace. "Rise and shine. How do you do, Bion?"

She sat and let herself relax.

{ /fail. }

[Fire]

As he was normally an extremely social wolf, Bion didn't mind his thoughts being interrupted at all. He looked around as soon as a new scent filled his nostrils, unsure who it was. On seeing Taya he grinned warmly and his entire being seemed to light up. He loved company no matter who it was, he always found other so interesting and seeing as he didn't know Taya very well, she was even more interesting.
"Hi!" he greeted, tail wagging enthusiastically. "I'm alright. Just thinking, I guess..." he answer was very vague, but he was determined not to talk about himself, otherwise he'd feel a little too selfish. He didn't like bringing others down, and his sob story about losing his memory would probably make the conversation a lot less interesting.
"What about you, Taya?" he asked politely, tilting his head to the side a little as she sat down next to him. "How are you?" His eager green eyes watched her, a glint of excitement in his emerald gaze. He didn't really get the chance to talk to new wolves very often.

He studied Taya's face, wondering where she'd been in the early hours of the morning. Maybe she was like him and found it difficult to sleep, or maybe it was just to wake her up. He was about to ask her, but held his tongue at the last minute. Perhaps it was an awfully personal reason. He didn't normally worry about his questions because he was always so eager to find new things out, but Taya seemed too sweet to tell him that he was being rude and he didn't want to offend her, so he left it. Instead he turned his gaze out to the pack lands, though his attention was still on Taya, ebony ears flicking back and forth and listening for anything she might tell him. The sky was growing lighter and the sun was visible above the mountains in Falling Moon territory. He thought back to his journey to the Moon border, and how pretty it had been. Not at all how he'd expected it, but then again, he wasn't really sure what he'd expected. Surely he couldn't have thought that he'd be ambushed as soon as he arrived, and taken away somewhere like...well, he didn't know. He hadn't really finished that thought because he wasn't making much sense.

He turned to face his new friend. At least, that's what he considered her to be. He wasn't sure if she thought the same about him, but Bion considered most of the wolves he knew to be his friend. Always determined to find some good in everyone, no matter who they were. However, it didn't seem like he'd have to search far to find goodness in Taya, she seemed friendly and open and he was grateful to her for it. That was exactly what he needed.

[[Midnight]]

Taya knew better than to pry. She had learned by now to respect any and all answers that were vague. They spoke clearly of a subject that wasn't ready to be touched, and Taya was uncomfortable when others were uncomfortable. So she nodded in understanding and didn't ask what was on his mind. If he needed someone to talk to, surely he already had someone. If not, then he'd crumble sooner and later.

Or, perhaps, maybe it wasn't a touchy subject at all. Maybe he was just thinking about the clouds and the weather, and Taya was reading too much into it.

But as the silence continued between the two of them, Taya eyed Bion's expression, and found that he was walking in a world that Taya knew nothing of. But he seemed, ironically enough, relaxed, and happy to be in the company of another. So Taya instantly liked Bion. Laid-back wolves were her favorite, honestly.

But she seemed unsure of what to talk about. She wanted to talk, that was certain, but Bion seemed distracted. Should she leave him be and simply excuse herself? She pondered over it but the answer was unclear.

She followed the direction of Bion's gaze and found herself getting lost in the beauty around them as well.

"Me? I'm perfectly fine," she answered quietly. "I'm too much of a simpleton to have anything interesting in my life. I spend most mornings running, and was getting ready to rest in the den a bit more."

[Fire]

As if she had sensed the question in his mind, he found out the reason she was up so early. He felt a little silly for assuming it was something private, and smiled at himself. It took him a few moments before he realised that Taya had said something about herself that was possibly offensive, as he wasn't the most receptive to little things like that, and opened his mouth to reply. But he didn't really know what to say, because he didn't really know a lot about her. "Just because you enjoy the simple things in life doesn't mean that you're simpleton," he said, although immediately regretted it. He didn't really know what he was saying in all honesty. "What I mean to say is," he quickly added, "is that I'm sure something interesting will happen soon enough." He was a little more pleased with this answer, and shrugged casually. "Besides, I would count that as a blessing. Sometimes it's better when everything is simple." He smiled at her again before realising that he was going on a bit. He wanted desperately to find something to talk about to get away from his awkward attempt at comforting her, but he couldn't think of anything.

Studying her posture he saw that she was calm, relaxed. Perhaps he was over thinking it, the conversation would surely flow naturally unless he'd forgotten how to talk. Which he hadn't. "I'm sorry if I'm boring you," he said with a small laugh, looking down at his paws bashfully. "You can sleep if you want, I just find others far too interesting for my own good." He looked back up at her and screwed one side of his face up as the sun got higher and brighter, lips peeled back into a grin. Maybe she felt as lonely as he did sometimes, longing for somebody to play with. As much as he loved to be around Esmerelda, she was quite mature for her age, and he never really spent much time with anybody as energetic as he liked to be. Growing up with Bandit rather than other pups meant that he'd fast learnt to control his boundless energy and become an adult. But sometimes he didn't want to be an adult, he had plenty of time for that. Sometimes he just wanted to be Bion, plain and simple.

"Why do you run?" he asked suddenly, frowning a little and watching her intently with his green eyes. There was something mysterious about the way he looked at her, as if an answer was needed desperately. He wasn't even sure why he'd said it, the words had just spilled out without thinking. But it did make sense, to him. Maybe she ran for the same reason he was alone so often.

[[Midnight]]

Taya followed the conversation as it flowed and it put a smile on her face. What Bion had to say in her defense sounded terribly familiar. Obviously Taya hadn't learned much; this was the same thing that Bandit had been telling her recently. To be grateful for what you have, essentially. Taya hadn't meant to be so whiney all the time and told herself mentally that she would work hard at keeping her pact to never complain. It was a shame to pull too much attention to your menial problems.

With a lighthearted chuckle Taya's tail began to wag. "You're right, Bion. I'm simple but I enjoy every minute of it. There's always something around the corner anyway."

Taya began to study Bion in the same manner as he studied her. She noted how he seemed like such a happy-go-lucky character. She was instantly attracted to his personality from the get-go, and found his gentle demeanor contagious. Certainly he must be a popular wolf within the pack; Taya decided she'd like to have a small piece of his company from time to time as well.

His next words made her smile broaden. "You, boring? Not at all, Bion. You're great company; I don't feel tired at all. I find others interesting as well, we're a lot alike it seems."

Her deep eyes showed suprise at his next curveball. It was a question thrown out of the blue and she was of course unprepared for it. When he frowned, she frowned, and began to ponder the question rather seriously. She found it to be a terribly difficult question and was stumped trying to form an answer in response. Why did she run so much? It was never to anywhere in particular, she just let her paws lead the way, or sometimes even the moon.

"Umm... I'm not really sure," she replied, smiling again but in an apologetic manner, as if not having an answer was in poor taste. It had certainly made her think, though. She wondered if Bion saw it as silly. Most wolves wouldn't understand it, she supposed. After all, even she didn't!

[Fire]

Bion grinned at her, hoping that he'd convinced her that she was neither simple nor boring. In fact, he found himself enjoying her company more than he enjoyed being alone. She seemed similar to him in a few ways and he felt like he could talk openly to her if he wanted, just not right now. He didn't want to weigh her down with his problems when they had just met, it didn't feel right or fair. It didn't feel like a proper introduction.
"Thanks," he said quietly as she called him great company. He'd never imagined that he was particularly good company. He wasn't exactly eloquent, nor did he understand quite how to make others feel better when they were sad. What he did know was that talking to others always made him feel better, even if he could do nothing for them. He hadn't yet anyone who'd made him feel worse. Rose and Raiden had just given him something to think about; given him a possible hint to his old life. So he was grateful, no matter if they made him a little confused.

"A lot alike," he parroted with a small smile. That was very sweet of her. She seemed sweet and modest, and he was humbled to be compared to her. He was glad that she found others interesting because it meant they had shared interests. Perhaps she found him interesting.
As she stated her uncertainty he felt a little silly. It was a stupid question. "Oh, I'm sorry for asking. Really it wasn't a very important question, I just felt strangely compelled to ask." He smiled apologetically back, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. "But Taya, tell me more about yourself," he said, wagging his tail. "If you want that is." He hoped that he hadn't sounded rude, he simply wanted to find out More about her. Listen to stories of her life, her history, anything. If she didn't want to tell him then he wouldn't insist. It was a somewhat personal question, perhaps he shouldn't have asked.

"Have you been with the Stars all your life?" he continued, specifying the broad topic he'd asked her to cover.

[[Midnight]]

Taya could understand the feeling of compulsion. So she nodded at Bion, in understanding, though she was still pondering the question herself. She supposed she ran all of the time simply because she had nothing better to do, and she enjoyed the exploration of a territory so full of beauty. As he invited her to speak further about herself, Taya calculated her life; what were the most important things about herself? What would Bion be interested to hear about? She felt a little less than humble to be talking only about herself, but she knew that she was being rediculous by thinking that way. He asked for it. So she would tell, just a bit.

It was apparent on her face that she was thinking before she spoke. Sometimes she did this, other times she was too hyper to take her time.

"No. I wasn't born here. I was born far away, far enough away that the earthquake never struck my home. I wanted adventure, so I left my family to find or make a new one."

Of course, Taya was probably far from Alpha material. She had realized that making a family usually involved leadership skills that she lacked. So the next best thing was to join the Stars pack, full of welcoming faces. Now that she was settled, she had time to think about pups. She'd like to be a mother at least once.

"I can be rather puppish... I find fun in serious situations and goof off. Umm, what else about me?" Her eyes glanced upwards at nothing in particular as her mind scrolled for another small piece of intel.

"I'm not much of an independant wolf. I need others around me almost at all times. I talk a lot I guess! This season is the best because pups love to play, and so do I."

Taya's tail wagged and she was suddenly slapping her front paws in the dirt, belly touching the ground with hre rump in the air. A puppish and canine way of asking for a playmate.

"What about you, Bion?"

[Fire]

His ears swiveled delicately as Taya spoke, listening patiently with curiosity clear in his eyes. He smiled a little as she told him about her life before the Dancing Stars, and he couldn't help but think that she had a nice voice. It wasn't something he normally noticed in anyone, but this time he'd made an exception for some reason. It was soothing, somehow, and at the same time she sounded excitable and full of energy.
Adventure. She had wanted an adventure. He considered this for a brief moment, wondering how it must have felt to leave her family and brave the world on her own. He'd never done that, not to his knowledge anyway, and he realised how reliant he'd been on Bandit when he found her. She was more a mother to him than anybody. She'd taught him everything that wasn't instinctive, and supplied him with good company. He couldn't think of a specific moment when they'd decided that she would look after him, it had just happened. Of course he'd grown up a little since he first met her, and now he was much more independent, but he still needed to see her every now and then to make sure she was okay.

Bion's directed his full attention to Taya once again as she began to speak once more, feeling a tad guilty for getting lost in his own thoughts during her pause.

He wondered why they hadn't met sooner. A cruel trick of fate, it seemed. They had a lot in common, even more he found as she continued to tell him about herself. Her boundless energy, dependent nature and love of pups were all things they shared. His smile broadened, realising how nice it was to find somebody so similar to him.
He laughed happily as she adopted a much more playful stance, mimicking her actions and batting her ear playfully. It had been a long time since he'd played with anybody. In fact, he couldn't even remember a time when he had. Before the earthquake he must've had friends to play with, but then...Well, he spent most of his time with Bandit rather that wolves his own age. It was refreshing, almost, to be greeted in such a light-hearted, puppish way.
"Me?" It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting her to ask about his own life, but he'd forgotten momentarily because he was so caught up in Taya's. "Oh, well, my life isn't that interesting, I guess," he said with good-humoured chuckle. "I've been with the Stars for as long as I can remember, but I can only remember from the Earthquake. Before that it's sort of...I don't know, blank? I lost my memory, I guess." A small shrug indicated that he wasn't too upset about that at this moment in time. Everything was alright as far as he concerned. Es would be joining him soon, and he'd made a new friend in Taya, plus he planned on seeing Rose and Raiden again soon to sort things out. Things would come back to him eventually, he was sure of it.
"I'm pretty immature, and I'm not too independent, either! I guess I'll have to change that, though, because I have a mate, and pups soon, too, hopefully!" His words sounded rushed and jumbled, almost as though he had completely forgotten to think before opening his mouth. He grinned wildly, barely able to contain the joy that seemed to emanate from his very soul. He was the happiest, and luckiest, wolf in the world, he could see that now.

"Do you have a mate, Taya?" he asked politely, genuinely curious. He could see why she might. She was fun, and full of energy. In his eyes, she'd make a wonderful mother.

[[Midnight]]

It seemed as though Taya's thoughts were running quite similar to Bion's. She was beginning to wonder what had kept she and Bion away from each other, when they were obviously two peas in a pod. She could have felt herself instantly growing a crush on him, but that was immediately ended by his explanation of being preoccupied and hopefully expecting. Taya would've swiped back at him playfully but was now pondering a new subject change. Bion had asked her if she was taken as well. Her eyes gave away a little hint of disappointment - what Bion had noted about her was something Taya dreamed of, to be brutally honest. But as it was, pups were a far-off reality for her. Thankfully she was an omega, however, and spent more time babysitting than hunting for the pack.

She backed away to sit back on her haunches, feeling a strange sense of irony. This year was full of new friends and new desires. Her life really was interesting, even if she didn't want to think so. You don't have to live through an earthquake to be interesting.

"Well, no," she replied, eyes closed in a tight smile. "Far from one, it seems."
She felt an awkward blush rise to her cheeks and hoped to take the attention away from herself momentarily, so she asked, "Who is your lucky female?"

She realized with a jolt that she wasn't aware of many she-wolves in Dancing Stars. There were a few, but none that seemed to fit the image of kind, playful Bion. Perhaps his answer would be surprising!

[Fire]

Here he went again, off thinking about Es and their life together. He was trying to convince himself that he wasn't being silly, because their life and future together was the most important thing to him right now, but maybe he was. Maybe he should calm down a little, and stop getting so excited as soon as his mate was concerned. His mate. Gosh, he was so proud to call her that.
Bion beamed brightly at Taya and wagged his tail so fervently it might have fallen off, eager to tell her all about Esmerelda so hopefully she could share his enthusiasm and he'd have someone to talk to about it.
However, he noticed a little something in her eyes that made him slow down just a tiny bit, his wagging tail abate for a second and his smile falter momentarily. He wasn't the kind of wolf to take much notice of others' behaviour, especially when it was as subtle as this was. It wasn't because he didn't care, far from it. Bion spent most of his time caring too much and the only time he wasn't being overly compassionate was when he was so energetic he forgot himself. But Bion seemed oddly receptive to Taya's change in mood. Perhaps it was because they were so similar, or perhaps it was something else.

Taya's answer came as a small shock to Bion, and he furrowed his brow. Far from it. Whatever did she mean? Not wanting to overstep his mark he decided to leave it, at least for now. She probably didn't want to be questioned by him, he was being annoying as usual.
At the mention of his to-be family his mood picked up again, but he controlled himself more this time. "Her name's Esmerelda," he said with a grin, trying to hide the pride in his voice. "She's a loner. Well, she was a loner. I think she's a Star now. She's going to join. Soon. Maybe she already has, I'm not too sure. But, um- yeah." He blushed a little and looked down at the ground as the word 'lucky' sunk in, but he tried to hide it as simply being a little embarrassed that he talked so much.
He cast his attention back to the first time they'd met for details of Es' previous life. "She, er- she used to be a Dancing Star, actually. I guess I can see why she left, though. She has a free spirit." A free spirit. She'd left the pack because she wanted to be alone. Had he forced her into rejoining the pack? Did she really want to do this? He felt an awful wave of guilt crash over him and it made him feel sick. He wanted this to be a happily ever after so badly, but he couldn't stand it if Es was unhappy. They would just have to be friends, and he'd visit her all the time. They wouldn't be together but they could be friends. Best friends and- oh, maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself. He'd have to check with her later, because right now he was in the middle of a conversation with Taya.

"But, Taya, um- you," he grimaced a little at his attempt of getting the conversation away from Es for now. Normally he'd love to talk about her, but right now the idea of her being unhappy with him was making him a little queasy. Unfortunately, he'd also realised that Taya didn't seem too comfortable with the idea of talking about herself. He didn't want to force a conversation about himself, but he didn't want to be selfish and make her talk about her life. Oh why was everything so confusing.

"Sorry if I'm rambling, I guess I do that a lot," he smiled awkwardly and felt a little embarrassed once again.
"What did you mean 'far from it'?" he asked politely, deciding painfully to be just a little selfish this time. "I don't think it would be difficult for you to find a mate. Even the best of wolves would be lucky to have you, Taya," he said earnestly. "You're lovely."
He smiled at her, a genuine one with no trace of awkwardness. It was the kind of smile you gave a friend you'd known all your life. He felt like that a little, with Taya anyway. She was so easy to be around, and he was extremely glad of her company. It was difficult to know who to trust at the moment, but he knew without a doubt that Taya was going to be a very good friend.

[[Midnight]]

Bion's nervousness, mixed with his obvious joy at having met Esmerelda, was hard not to love. As he stuttered and described his mate as best as she could, she let the mental image of her form; Taya imagined this female with a coat as black as the night sky, with an air of pure love and compassion about her as she strode into Dancing Stars territory with her head held high. Taya wondered if that was what Esmerelda was really like or if she was way off.

"Aww, that's so amazing, to meet someone and bring her into the pack," she replied, eyes crinkled with a big smile. "I look forward to meeting her!"

As Bion continued to speak, however, she felt her fur growing hot at the roots. He was complimenting her in an immense fashion and it did mean a lot, to know that was what Bion thought of her. Her spirit soared a bit and her enthusiasm was back full force.

"Thanks Bion," she replied, slightly timid but one hundred percent sincere. "You're a real friend."

By now the sign had risen a bit more, still casting long shadows of orange across the landscape outside. Taya had once again made another great friend, and felt grateful to Dancing Stars for being such a wonderful family. What could possibly go wrong in this peaceful valley?

"So..." she trailed off for a moment, settling herself down onto her belly. The ground was still cool and refreshing. "You said something about losing your memory?" she started gently, watching his face closely. He hadn't seemed to grieved to be unaware of what his life was like beforehand, but perhaps underneathe it was bothering him all too much.

[Fire]

Bion smiled warmly and nodded, the enthusiasm clear on his face. "I can't wait to introduce you to her!" It was true, he could see Esmerelda and Taya getting on well and it made him feel giddy with happiness and excitement. There seemed to be a lot of wolves in his life that needed to be introduced to each other at the moment.
The timidness of her reply made him feel a little silly. I've overdone it, he thought, dipping his maw a little by way of a silent apology. It seemed most of the wolves he knew were female and he wasn't too sure why this was, but it was also clear that he was a little clueless when it came to judging their reactions. He hadn't meant to be charming or eloquent or any of those silly things. He was only being honest, and he wanted to assure her of that but he didn't want to keep going on at her. Really, he had no idea how females worked at all.

Her next question caught him by surprise as he'd been sure that he'd managed to steer away from that topic of conversation.
"Oh, right. Mm," he answered, nodding slowly and looking out at the sunrise thoughtfully. A large part of him was starting to dislike talking about this his memory loss so much, but it was only right to tell a new friend what she was getting herself in for.
"It was after the earthquake. It's all a bit fuzzy, really. My earliest memories are of shouting and panic." He frowned a little as he watched the sun creep higher above the hills and wash orange and warmth over the lands. Breathing in a deeply he looked back at Taya with a smile plastered to his maw and released a short sigh. "It's all in the past now, though. Can't be helped and all that, eh?"
Bion watched her carefully with his emerald gaze, trying to figure out her reaction. It hadn't occurred to him before, but what if that was simply too weird for Taya to bear? His heart sank slightly, knowing that if she thought that was weird then the next chapter of his never ending story of madness would shock her even more.
"Well anyway, now I'm trying to piece together who I really am. I know I wasn't born to the Dancing Stars, and there's a Falling Moon called Rose who claims to be my mother..." He shook his head with another smile, looking down at his paws. "I suppose putting it all together is part of the fun!" With a small yawn Bion stretched out, lifting his rump in the air and then lowering himself onto his belly. He looked up and continued to watch Taya's reactions keenly.
"You'd still be friends if it turned out I was the grandson of the Falling Moon's alpha, right?" His voice was quiet, gaze intent. He knew how childish the sentence sounded, but he couldn't shake the idea and he wanted to know for certain that Taya wouldn't be afraid. His Duke-coloured pelt had already scared Esmerelda initially, he didn't even want to risk losing another important wolf.

[[Midnight]]

His story was certainly an intriguing one. Immediately she put herself in Bion's paws, picturing the ruined valley, the shouting of other injured wolves, the fear he must have felt. What had made him lose his memory? He himself must have gotten hurt by something. It's possible he blocked it out himself, to protect his emotional health. Taya wouldn't be surprised at any of the possiblities if one were true. She pondered his memories as he spoke of them, her eyes intense with interest.

Bion may be right - can't really be helped. Or could it? The more he thought about it, the more likely he'd get his memory back. Perhaps when he met someone familiar he'd have a shock. Maybe that was all he needed. Taya was going to tell him her hopes when he continued with his story. What she heard next what unexpected - and, frankly, breathtaking.

She didn't know what to think as he admitted to her about Rose and Falling Moon. She was silent briefly, suddenly feeling a weight on her heart. Taya was suddenly sad for Bion.

"How lonely," she whispered, staring at Bion's paws. She looked back up at his face, eyes soft and caring. "Of course I'd still be friends with you. I've never had anything against Falling Moon. I think in reality they are the same as we are."
She gave Bion a quick swipe of her tongue, on the bridge of his nose, to reassure him that his history didn't bother her conscience. Instead, it made her heart reach out to him; what a lonely and frightening story. Did he believe Rose? Did he feel somewhere in his heart that she was telling the truth?

"Have you thought of living with them?" she suddenly burst out, eyes widening. She was not yet taking into account the fact that he had a mate now, but she was struck with an idea considering his heritage. "Maybe after a little while, it'll help you get your memory back. That'd be amazing!"

[Fire]

Her reaction certainly put any doubts Bion had had about their friendship to rest. She didn't seem frightened or upset, and when his eyes scanned her expression desperately all he could find was pity and possibly interest. Bion smiled at her as a default, but there was a part of him that felt a little angry and betrayed. Everyone seemed to act the same way, even Rose. They were always so sorry, so sympathetic, like Bion's life was some pathetic misfortune that they should pity. Well they were wrong. Maybe he should just stop telling everybody about his memory loss because it was really starting to get to him. He felt like it was starting to define him, and that was the last thing he wanted. The sooner he remembered, the sooner everybody would treat him normally again. At least he hoped they'd treat him normally.
In any case, he'd almost expected more from Taya.

Glancing down at his paws when she did he shut his eyes tightly and set grimaced, hoping Taya wouldn't notice his momentary lack of power over his emotions or his attempt to regain composure. A little confused by the thoughts that had just passed through his mind, the anger began to fizzle away almost as quickly as it had come. A wave of sanity and control seemed to crash over him and he was relieved that the frustration had gone.
A frown appeared as he studied his paws absent-mindedly and he was aware that his friend had stopped addressing him and he needed to reply.

He looked up again with a cool expression, repeating what she'd just said to himself.
"I agree," he said with a faint smile and a nod. "About the Falling Moons being the same as us. I mean I only really know Rose a little but she's lovely, she really is. She's got two pups and she looks at them with the same love and fierce protection that you'd see in any of the mothers in this pack." As he spoke he could hear affection for Rose that he hadn't meant to show.
His attention was now focused on her question, and he looked at her thoughtfully for a few moments. Honestly, he hadn't thought of that before, and it wasn't because of Esmerelda or the pups. Even though he'd lived with the Stars for as long as his memory would stretch and he considered himself one of them, the idea intrigued him. Six months ago it would have terrified him, just the thought of talking to a Falling Moon and now he was genuinely considering what would happen if he joined them for a short while. Whether it was arrogance or confidence he wasn't sure, but he was certain he'd be able to cope.

"No, I hadn't," he admitted, still deep in thought. "It never occurred to me really. Its an interesting thought and I think...I think it'd really help my memory but I couldn't do it. Not any time soon, anyway. I've got a family to think about, and that's more important. This can wait. I've got all the time in the world to get those first few months back, and right now I don't want anything to be absent from my pups' first few months. Especially not me."
Even as he said it, he wasn't entirely convinced. He imagined wandering across the river onto Duke's territory. Would he tell him the truth? Probably not. If he lied to Duke and got found out, though...Well, he didn't like to imagine the consequences. Surely if it was only a little lie then he wouldn't care or be able to see it in his eyes. Maybe he'd even recognise him. If he really was Duke's grandson then Duke would remember. He hoped so at least. Having a grandfather would be nice no matter who it was, and Duke might not be as bad as everyone made him out to be.

"It would be amazing, though," he agreed. "Aren't you afraid that when I came back I'd be more a Moon than a Star?" He flashed her a smile and breathed a sound of amusement. Of course he'd never really be a Falling Moon, no matter who his family turned out to be and he was sure Taya knew this about him already.
"But once the pups have grown up, do you really think I should?" The tone of his voice clearly showed that his previous sentiments had not been entirely honest. He was more than a little interested in the idea. What scared him the most was the thought of becoming too much like them. If they were really as bad as they were made out to be, what if they turned him bad?