Fire and Ice [Rose;closed]

[[Midnight]]

There was a lot on Justyn's mind. It was starting to get him down, which was remarkably hard to do to Justyn. He did tend to care very deeply, much more than he liked to admit, and he took a lot of things very personally. Still, he never had felt more discouraged.

He was thinking of his sister quite a bit, and how he had yet to make up with her. He wasn't sure how to go about it; he knew he should say an apology for losing his cool. He had let his anger push him over the edge again. If there was anything Justyn hated, it was getting pushed into a corner - but he should really be used to it by now, since he had a lot to face up to. Esmerelda had pups now, but of course, Justyn didn't know a thing about them yet. He knew he was missing out on having family, but he didn't yet realize the extent of that truth.

But, mostly, his thoughts were with Rose. He had yet to see her since he heard of Raiden's death. Truthfully, he was frightened to see her. He knew where her den was, where she and her pups slept everyday. Yet he hadn't visited, mostly because he was scared, and also because he thought he sensed that she might have needed time alone. Maybe he had been wrong, though, and she had been waiting for him to stop by?

Justyn really felt, though, that she was far too sad to think of him right now.

Duke must also be in some sort of mourning, since Myu's death. He couldn't picture the Falling Moon Alpha shedding a tear over anything, but certainly he was feeling something.

Fallon, too, had recently shared her deepest desires with Justyn, and he was constantly thinking of her for various reasons. Once Justyn made a promise, he certainly kept it; perhaps he did have some heroic qualities about him. Hopefully he wouldn't let Fallon down, too. Seemed like he always let down his most important friends.

He was laying on his in the dead grass, sheltered by a thick layer of dry, brittle grass that the heathland was known for. He didn't suspect anyone to come by, nonetheless find him in his little hiding spot. It was a hot day, they'd probably be near the river today, if they were any smarter than he was. He was getting to be drowsy, but he kept his ears perked to listen to his surroundings. He couldn't hear much over the breeze crackling the dead plants nearby. For a second he bolted upright, however, having thought he heard a loud rustle nearby. He stood up and pushed his nose through the grass, only his head visible as he took a quick survey of the area.

[Paint]

For the very reason that most of the wolves would be dying for water in the swelter of the days heat, Rose had sought out the bone-dry area of the Heathlands. She did not much care for others today. Overjoyed to have Tammer returned, but still having not told her of the rest of her new family or even that Raiden was dead, Rose was torn between letting Tammer enjoy herself and settle in and telling her the truth. She thought perhaps that she did not want the words to leave her mouth. Saki and Razanur knew, but they were so young that she deeply wished they would not be so affected by the loss.

As she crunched over twigs, avoiding as many as possible but still rustling her way through the heathlands anyway, Rose thought about the sickly state of the land. It made her think of the pack. Were they dying too, in the summer heat, just as all of this meadow had done? Raiden was gone. So was Myu. Who would be next?

Not me, she thought, although she did not think as determinedly as one might expect. Rose was not going to try to prove to herself. She knew that she had to stay alive for her father and her pups, and she would be the last wolf standing even if disease ravaged the place. Death would not take her until she had the last say.

With such morbidity in mind, the white wolf jumped a little when a familiar face appeared over the top of the long grasses. Rose wondered for a moment whether Justyn wanted to be alone, but recognised the thoughtfulness she thought she perceived in his eyes. The Fire Prince was thinking. Realising that she hadn't seen him for so long, and he must know of Raiden's death, she thought perhaps he might be worried about her. With her face expressionless and no words spoken she made her way towards him, eyes locked on his the entire journey across the heathlands until she reached his hiding spot and sat down gracefully.

[[Midnight]]

Recognition was first to settle on Justyn's facial features as his head popped up above the grassline. When he caught sight of a familiar gray muzzle, his eyes widened quickly. As they locked gazes, surprise quickly turned to anxiety until the moment she settled herself down beside him. Relief actually flooded through his body; he could feel his tense muscles release slowly as he realized she did not look at all like he had imagined she would. His childish fear of death suddenly dissapated. Real concern was now the only thing he felt.

Words wouldn't come out though when his wolfish lips parted, revealing tips of his canines. Instead of speaking, he decided instead to simply shove his wet nose against her shoulder blade while he worked against letting his emotions run over. He felt like he was acting a bit like a female, getting all worked up over these things. He and Raiden had really disliked each other from the moment they met, but here Justyn was now, trying to hold back unexplainable tears over his death.

He pulled back his head and looked at her face, regaining a moment of emotional strength.

"I'm so sorry, Rose," he mumbled quietly, swallowing once. "For everything."

A universal apology. He had hoped to be a bit more specific, such as I'm sorry for Raiden's death and for being a terrible friend. Rose, however, had always been a mind-reader. He figured she'd understand his thoughts.

[Paint]

Rose knew that Justyn was a strong wolf. He was highly-ranked, physically able and intelligent. But he was also a deeply feeling wolf, something she'd discovered so long ago now. But she felt a little guilty, as if she hadn't really been there for him. She watched the sadness in his eyes, the inability to speak for a moment. The rough, wet nose communicating his frustration.

"I'm sorry too," she replied, understanding that he was probably apologising for more than not being there for her at Raiden's death. To be quite honest, she had hidden herself away. She hoped that her pups knew, except perhaps Tammer. Her ears folded backwards and she finally submitted, letting the wall fall away as her expression became painfully sad.

"It's actually easier than it was when he was just missing. But it still hurts," she admitted, turning her dark eyes briefly upon Justyn before turning away again. It was a little too difficult to stare him straight in the eye when she wasn't acting. She fell silent again, staring away, refusing to cry.

[[Midnight]]

Perhaps Rose didn't know the full extent of the pressure she was relieving off of his shoulders, just by telling him it's easier for her. By not being angry with him at all (which, really, deep inside he knew that was stupid to worry about.) And also, for not bursting into tears when she saw him. Because that, too, would have been rather unbearable. Rose was so deeply embedded into his existance that her pain was now his pain.

He let himself sigh deeply at her truthful statement. He understood why it was easier.
To have lost and not known. To have gained back wholly. To have lost again, forever. The cruelty of it was the worst. But now she was free of it, in a strange sense of the word.

"I want to trade places with him, if only I could," he confessed, glancing downward at his grubby charcoal paws. Or with one of your other pups, he added silently. Surely that, too, could make her feel better, happy even. Justyn remembered that she's not only lost Raiden, but previously some of their pups, too. True suffering was part her. Justyn didn't know the meaning of the word.

He was laying on his belly, all four legs stretched out forward, and his head went down on his forepaws like a sulking pup.

[Paint]

Rose watched Justyn, listened to his words. Her ears remained folded back, a sure sign of vulnerability and suffering for this white wolf. When he sunk down onto all fours, she found her face scrunching up painfully with sadness. She wasn't used to showing emotion. Justyn was the only one she'd allow herself to be this way with.

"Don't say that," she spoke quietly. Slowly she settled down beside him, right next to him, mimicking his position save for her head turned towards him. She set her eyes upon him. "You have your whole life ahead of you. Raiden was old, he had achieved his happiness. He had me and his pups, who loved him dearly. But perhaps... it was his time to go. You're so young, you needn't be so... low."

She frowned. It was a strange sort of release, but a release nonetheless. Raiden and she had fallen in love when she was barely out of puphood. Yes, she was mentally mature, but she was physically only a year older than Justyn. It made her sad to see how much he suffered for all of his woes.

"I can live without Raiden now because I know that there is no chance of his return. He had his time, and he is gone. Now that emptiness that was there when he was missing, which caused a huge, ripping, aching hole inside me... now that can actually heal."

She frowned.

"I'm talking far too much. I'm sorry. I feel as if I haven't spoken in weeks."

[[Midnight]]

Hazel eyes flickered over to her, watching her lips as she spoke. Her words and feelings seemed so much farther from what he thought he would hear and see. Once again, he had underestimated her emotional strength. She was beyond his comprehension, her level of stability; even though she was in pain, she could sit here and talk about Raiden without crying. Of course, he was seeing her weeks later. Maybe she is just cried out by now.

He allowed himself to smile, for how brave she was. Being able to move on isn't something Justyn did with ease. For him it was next to impossible.

"I was so scared that you would be broken beyond repair," he confessed, lifting his head a tad to speak more clearly. He still seemed so sad, despite her efforts to make things a little brighter. "I pictured you like that and it was hard for me to breathe."

Now the words were coming to him, and he couldn't quite stop them if he had wanted to. He, too, felt as if he hadn't spoken in a while - even though, really, he had quite a bit. He had been somewhat of a social butterfly. His voice had never taken such a passionate tone as he spoke again.

"For me, there isn't much life at all without you. I want you to know how serious I am."
His expression intensified as he gazed into her eyes and spilled out his feelings. This time, they were not a jumbled mess. Rose was the only thing in his life in which he knew where he stood.
"You gave me back the ability to be happy again. I bet Raiden would agree with me when I say how beautiful you are in every way possible. I was always jealous that Raiden was the only one who could make you the happiest you'd ever be."

He didn't intend for it to sound like a declaration of love. He knew he loved her, of course, but he felt that he'd always be happy with the ways things were right now between them. Rose was simply his best friend and he wanted her to know that all things good in his life were possible because of her. She had the power to influence.

Slightly embarassed now, his head was up but his nose was tilted down, his gaze to the ground.
"I would like to have known him better. I owe him the favor of making sure you stay fine," he said quietly. Inwardly, he was far more than relieved to hear Rose say that finally...finally she could heal. He'd do whatever it took to make sure it would happen. He was already planning in his head the days he could spend teaching Razanaur and Saki how to hunt, now that there was one less family member to do so.

[Paint]

Rose smiled as Justyn spoke. Theirs was perhaps an odd relationship from the outside, but it was based on an understanding. They understood what the other had to be to get by in life- but they both knew that underneath that, there was a whole different, normal wolf.

Although his words were filled with love, there was no awkwardness. Justyn knew that Raiden had been the love of Rose's life. Any question of anything more than friendship just simply wasn't on the cards at the moment- Rose was healing, learning to be alone. She dipped her head ever so gently.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Justyn. You've always been paramount to my happiness," she spoke softly, the honesty in her words making it impossible for her to look away. She sighed a little. "And now I can be a much better friend to you than I have been. I promise that."

She rested her head on her paws, her nose gently resting against the fur on his legs. She'd missed her best friend. But she'd had to concentrate on Raiden, after losing him once she'd needed to get her family back together. Her pups. That was the only real concern now, in terms of family, and they were adolescents now. With a sad heart she wondered if she would ever bear a litter again.

"You'll have to help Saki and Razanur now, you know that," she smiled sadly. "And Tammer, but in a different way. Did you know that she came back? She survived?"

[[Midnight]]

Justyn was starting to get comfortable with the idea of miracles. It seemed like they happened far more than once in a lifetime. It was almost not a surprise to hear that Rose's daughter from her first litter had survived the earthquake and found her way here. Maybe, perhaps, Rose did have some karma on her side, since the good liked to accompany the bad at times.

Justyn felt his old self returning to him, now that he could let his unease dissapate. His eyes looked far from lifeless as his lifted his head and flicked it upwards in a nod.

"Unbelievable," he remarked, though secretly it was almost like deja vu. She and Justyn had this exact conversation about Raiden when he came back seasons ago. Now, he was gone forever.

He decided at once he'd have to meet this Tammer. Of course, he was only presuming that she was back here, in this valley with the Moons pack. Had she joined her brother Bion instead, with the Dancing Stars? He knew that Rose wouldn't care either way.

"Now there's finally some news to make me happy! Your pups are obviously fighters. They are bringing back pieces of you one by one," he told her with a smile. "I'll have to meet Tammer. Is she coming back to join us?"

He waited curiously for an answer, while weeks of anxiety smoothly lifted off of his shoulders, making him feel tall again.

"Saki and Razanur are probably excited too."
His tail wagged a bit at the thought of the two newest pups, and the fact that he was actually trusted to be in their lives, a privelege he'd never guessed he'd ever earn. Life had really turned around for Justyn. He was not the same wolf who had been on his way to conquering Falling Moon.

[Paint]

"I'm sure she'd love to meet you. Unfortunately I haven't yet told her about her father, or about her new siblings," Rose sighed. She remembered eons ago, having a conversation with Justyn where he was arguing that it was best to always tell the truth- even to vulnerable pups. She wondered if he would take the same tack now with her, although she had never changed her tune on the subject. To withhold information until she was sure it would do the least emotional damage was one of Rose's strongest policies.

"She only just returned, my father was there. Onisim came back as well," she glanced at Justyn as she said this. She wasn't sure if he knew about Onisim going missing for a few months, or the reason for it. She wondered if Justyn was still harbouring intentions to take over the pack someday. "She was so overwhelmed, and Raiden had only just... Well. Either way, I didn't tell her then. I will soon. When she's settled. She rejoined us, you know," she smiled. Although, yes, she wouldn't have minded either way, she loved to have her daughter nearby again. She was proud that she'd become a Moons wolf once more.

"So how are you? How is Fallon? And your sister?" Rose asked, setting her dark eyes upon her friend with compassion she usually held within her. She was too weary, and too comfortable around Justyn, to hide her emotions at the moment. She was hoping his responses would be positive.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn looked down at the ground briefly, letting his eyes rove over the brown grass. He was thinking similar thoughts to Rose's, picturing in his mind when Tammer finds out that the rest of her family wasn't as lucky as she was. The worst news being that she missed Raiden by only a matter of days. He didn't envy her in that moment. At the same time, though, Tammer could hardly be expecting more.

There was an inkling of emotion in his heart when he suddenly remembered a scene from his early puphood. For some reason, Rose's words had sparked the memory of the day when he overheard the pack gossiping about Caerwyn's strange absences. He never did hear the truth from his mother. Maybe that's why he hated lies so much - he's never had the chance to know anything other than deceit. Rose was the first wolf he ever felt he could trust fully.

Justyn carried on thoughts over to Onisim. Truthfully, this particular news stirred no emotion in him. He doubted he'd ever spoken to the male before, and hadn't really noticed he wasn't around to begin with. He kept these thoughts to himself, in case Rose found this offensive. He was aware, after all, that they were siblings.

Now the subject had been turned over to his personal life, and he resisted the urge to squirm.

"Meh. I haven't seen my sister since the last time we talked about her, after that whole fight and my stupid meltdown. Maybe it's better this way. I don't intend to leave the Moons, and she doesn't like that I'm here."

He gave himself a nonchalant shake of his muzzle and looked up towards the sky. There was a small burning in the pit of his stomach - except, this time, it wasn't his uncontrollable anger. It was something close to confusion or shame. When he thought of Esmerelda and Fallon, he felt both of these emotions. It was unexplainable.

"Nothing has changed with Fallon. I can definately depend on her," he commented thoughtfully, his ears swiveling to catch the sound of a blackbird fluttering away from its treetop perch.

[Paint]

Rose listened carefully as Justyn spoke. She was always a little skeptical of his views on his family, and it showed in her expression. 'Meh' was not good enough for Rose. She knew that he cared more than that. The white wolf sighed a little.

"I'm glad," she replied to his comment about Fallon. Truthfully, she would've thought that he would have more to tell her. That they had become mates, or that he had developed feelings for his denmate. She was fairly adept at reading body language and yet saw nothing in his demeanour to suggest that he was lying. He wouldn't lie to her anyway, not in this sort of situation. So she resigned herself to simply be happy for him, take his word for it (no matter how odd those words may seem) and keep an eye on the situation for now.

"But your sister," she paused a little, looking at him, trying to make sure he was looking at her too. Rose always knew exactly what she was going to say and how she would deliver those words. She was not the type of wolf to stutter and start. "You know that you need to go and find her. You might have nieces and nephews. I know you pretend not to like pups, but you've been brilliant with Saki and Razanur, and I heard a little something about you giving my half-sister hunting lessons. Are you now going to tell me that you don't want to build bridges and see if you've got any more family out there floating about?"

[[Midnight]]

Justyn had to try hard to stifle laughter. He felt as if this conversation had just happened recently. It really had, when he thoguht about it, but nothing had changed, and he wondered if it ever would. Part of him had stopped caring - or maybe he had tuned out his feelings like he was used to doing. All he had to do was pretend the problem didn't exist and he worked well with going on with life. There was only one time he could remember where he stood close to the Stars border, ears perked to listen to the sound of his sister's singing voice. When he hadn't heard a peep that night, his soul just sort of gave up. Justyn really didn't think he minded.

Except for the small inkling of guilt he couldn't seem to shake. That was just his soft side kicking in.

He was smiling and simply nodding at Rose's comments. He wouldn't deny it anymore, he liked pups. He liked to feel that he was looked up to. But when he imagined his sister, with young pups standing nearby her, he doubted she'd let him get close enough to see them anyhow. But he knew Rose wouldn't have anymore excuses, so he just sighed out loud and looked up at the sky. He was taking for granted the fact that he had family again. It was only because he was starting to feel so at home here with Rose, Fallon, and the pups.

"I'll try one last time. If I see her again, I'll say hi, apologize, and ask how life is. But if she's not interested in me anymore, I'll accept it that way," he conceded quietly. With the sun beaming warm on his back and the cool breeze ruffling his neck, he felt his eyes starting to glaze over. "I may have changed, but I still have a temper when wolves test my patience. Heheh, I guess Esmerelda does too."

For a brief moment he lifted a forepaw and wiped it along his face, leaving small specks of shining grit near his eye.
"Oh, and you heard about me and Kohar, huh? She's funny. I like her," he responded honestly, recalling the time spent with Duke's pup. She was keen. Probably a dangerous Moons wolf in the making.

In that moment, with Rose speaking of her half-sister, Justyn remembered again that Duke was mateless. Always he brought to mind his first lengthy conversation with the older she-wolf, when she spoke of Duke's attachment to her. His eyes narrowed slightly in thought.
"How are things...with your father?" he ventured with obvious concern.

[Paint]

Rose raised a brow as he answered. Truthfully, although she had not seen Justyn and Esmerelda interact, she wondered how they were around one another. She imagined that they were both incredibly defensive, but Rose hoped that if they could break through that, they could find some common ground. Their pup lives had been so fraught with tragedy, she thought it would give them something to bond over. Surviving a disaster was a miracle, of sorts.

"Just be sympathetic to her feelings," Rose did not ask, she told. She knew that she was right in giving this warning. "She has gone through just the same as you did when you were pups, plus more, considering that you know very little of her life after the earthquake. So take it easy. She's probaby a lot more hurt by all of this than you are."

"Yes, Kohar, I heard a little," Rose smiled ever so slightly. She thought about her new half-siblings, their poignant lack of mother. Although how motherly Myu was Rose could not decide. "I should really see my half-siblings more. Check up on them."

Rose shifted a little, sitting up, although staying close to Justyn's side. She wanted to stretch in a slightly different way as she considered Justyn's other question. She eyed him, wondering what his intentions were in asking such a question. She knew that he had once harboured intentions for taking over from Duke, perhaps even killing him for the spot of Alpha. But Rose did not keep much from Justyn, if anything, and she had rarely ever protected her father from him. Probably because, deep down, she always expected that Duke would win if the two came into battle.

"Honestly, I don't believe he is good," Rose frowned. "I overheard one of his newest litter talking to him and... I don't know. The way he spoke was so alien. He relies on me, yes, although how much I'm no longer sure. He's pushing all of his pups away from him. My brother, Onisim, returned from wherever he went after they fought. I believe he was seeking forgiveness, or guidance, but my father seemed intent on having nothing more to do with him. Or any of us."

She sighed. When she spoke again it was rather quiet.

"I have heard tales of what he was like before I was born, the way he handled pack business, his general demeanour. A great hulking bear with a bad temper and nothing to lose. He's beginning to act just like that again. It's as if all of that change within him, all of us as his family, just don't matter anymore."