here are the reasons/ es or family

[Fire]

well, here are the reasons
that hurt me the most

It was childish, he supposed, to have ever thought that life would be uncomplicated. Life liked to give you little pushes in certain directions, regardless of whether or not you wanted to go. It was very selfish, he thought. What sort of life was it when you didn’t even have a choice? He considered this for a moment, rolling the thought on his tongue a little to see if it tasted right.
“Choices…” he murmured to himself, barely a hoarse whisper. No, that wasn’t true. We always had a choice. He chose to come here.

He sat silently by the river, his thoughts whirring louder than the warm, trickling stream. It was spring, but he didn’t care. Not caring about something was most of out character for Bion, but he hadn’t been feeling too Bion-y recently. Lost, you could say, but he knew exactly where he was. This was the Falling Moon’s border. He wasn’t too sure if being here was actually going to achieve anything, but he had to try. Staring intently at the forest on the other side of the stream, he wondered if just being here would trigger of any memories. That was, if Rose and Raiden had been telling the truth.

He breathed in slowly, and then heaved a long, shuddering sigh. Maybe he should just go home. Being here made him feel anxious, but not because he was scared. It was because he wasn’t sure what sort of memories might be brought back. What if he really was a Falling Moon? The thought made him shudder, so he tried to distract himself. Bion gazed at the sky, and his maw twitched into a smile when he thought about how beautiful the world was, even on this side of the valley. He’d half expected thunder and lightning, grey skies and the sound of blood-curling laughter around every tree. But it was exactly the same.

A lot of wolves mistook Bion’s cheerful nature and curiosity to be stupidity, but he was generally a bright wolf. He treated everyone nicely and hoped they’d treat him nicely in return. His problem was that he trusted people far too easily. Nobody had ever let him down before, so he had no reason to worry. He had to admit, he was worried now, though. He raised his ivory-white maw in the air and his voice cut through the crisp, spring air. He didn’t know who would come; he just wanted to make his presence known. If he really did belong to this pack, maybe his family would want to say hello.

call of the search
i'm coming home

[Paint]

It wasn't really stalking. It wasn't as if she'd actually, purposefully, followed him. It's not like she was hunting him or anything, but... there was something about him. Es had caught sight of Bion early in the day and subconsciously her feet had led her towards him.

Her dappled fur moved like water with the breeze on it, and she attempted once again to remove herself from Bion's trail. But she turned back, confused at how imperative this felt. She was compelled to follow his scent, to see his black and white being, and to finally engage him in conversation. She was the type of wolf to always give way to her whims, and she would not question herself, or her intentions. She didn't know, and she'd never know, exactly what she was supposed to be doing.

Nevertheless, she dithered slightly. She decided to wait for a sign. He was nearby, she was sure, for she was downwind from him and his scent was strong. She blinked, sat, waited. A moment later his howl broke the air and she nearly jumped out of her skin. That was it! That was the sign, surely?

She did not question any longer. A moment later she was up again, dashing through the trees, driving headlong into the wind as she approached the stream. She stopped running and slowed to a trot so as not to startle him, but a few moments later she was there, and she blinked and watched him curiously from behind.

"Hello," she said, before she even thought about it. A small smile spread across her tawny features, hoping that her answering his call would not be disappointing.

[Fire]

Honestly, Bion had expected that somebody would return his call. He wasn't sure what else he had expected though, because this wasn't his home. This said, if he'd heard a strange wolf howling from the borders he would have replied in an instant, probably even gone to greet them. Unfortunately it was just in his nature to be overly lovely to any wolf he met, regardless of who they are. It sounds like a nice quality to have, and it had never gotten Bion into any trouble...yet. But his naivety would probably be the death of him.

He sat patiently, staring into the forest as if he was trying to cause a wolf to appear through sheer mind power. Just as he was beginning to lose hope and gaze down at his black and white reflection in the bubbling waters, he heard a voice from behind him and jumped in surprise. He swung around quickly, but he needn't have bothered. He knew exactly who was stood behind him before they'd even opened his mouth. As he stood looking at her beautiful, dappled coat, he felt all the worry and dread drain out of him, and he was left with pure, cheerful Bion.

"Es!" he cried happily, his mood lifting with every moment that passed. "It's so good to see you!" He wasn't sure he'd ever spoken a truer word. It had been a while since they'd first met, and he'd found himself missing her company terribly for some reason. There was something about her that was so fresh and vibrant, but he couldn't place it. Being around her was such a wonderful feeling, it was like he was safe again. Grinning as wide as his mouth would let him, he stepped toward Esmerelda without even thinking.

"How are you, anyway?" he asked pleasantly, watching her pretty green eyes with a sense of curiosity.

[Paint]

She smiled brightly at him, stepping forward as he did, unconsciously mirroring his behaviour. She then sat, tail curving around her side, and tilted her head almost coyly towards him. Her open, breezy personality shone through with her smile and she shrugged her tawny shoulders to his question.

"I'm good thanks," she continued to smile. She watched him carefully, admiring his broad black and white figure, glancing back up to his eyes. The attraction between them was undeniable, but Es wasn't all that easy to catch. From following her heart, she was a completely compulsive character, often changing her mind and not caring for the consequences.

For now, though, her heart was right here.

"So are you... joining the Falling Moons?" she asked curiously. It certainly looked that way from here. "Or just looking for some company?"

She then rolled her eyes at herself suddenly, as if she'd done something wrong.

"How rude of me," she laughed like a bird's song. "How are you? How's life?"

[Fire]

She was just so pretty. He'd never seen anything like her, really. Not that he'd ever taken much notice of what females looked like because it didn't normally even pass through his mind. He was mostly thinking about adventures and meeting wolves and hunting and having fun. Or, more recently, who is real family were and who he was, but with the adventures and fun still tucked in a corner of his mind somewhere.

He blinked a few times in confusion at her question. Join Falling Moon? He frowned a little, looking away distantly. He didn't want to join the Falling Moons at all, but maybe that's what it looked like. What if the alpha appeared and started being mean? He shook this thought away quickly by looking at Esmerelda again. She was quite distracting. It was all quite confusing actually; this feeling he had toward her. He didn't even want to leave her company. Ever.

"No, no," he said quickly to put the thought out of her mind. "I just want some answers." He looked down, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, and then looked up at her again with a lob-sided grin. Bion wasn't the kind of wolf to hide anything from anybody unless it would hurt them. He didn't exactly have a way with words, so he tended to say what was on his mind in case he forgot it. He couldn't understand how some wolves were so careful about what they said, what if what they were thinking was important, and then they couldn't remember it! Although, Bion didn't reckon he'd be forgetting this...feeling too soon. Esmerelda was difficult to forget about.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine," he replied, half meaning it. Everything was indeed fine, but sometimes he didn't feel like it. He wanted everything to be simple again, when it was just him and Bandit and no Falling Moons or pretty, mysterious loners. "How are you? Are you happy?"
He wasn't sure what to do if she said no. Comforting others wasn't his most refined skill.

[Paint]

Her curiosity in him was only ever heightened by their spending time together. This curiosity was battled with a worry. Worries very, very rarely entered into Esmerelda's mind- she was always too determined to see the best in everything. But subconsciously, she was already tearing away. In her mind she saw herself and Bion, with litters of pups, settled down in a pack together... a Dancing Stars wolf once again.

When the earth came down, she was trapped. Caught beneath a cascade of rocks, luckily finding refuge beneath a huge tree that had a little space beneath it. She was young, naive, terrified. She would give anything never to feel that way again, trapped, angry, hurt, lost. To escape and find your loved ones dead, having already gone through the hell of Caerwyn's reign. She ran and ran, she pushed it all to the back of her head. She would never feel that way again. No strings, no ties, no chance to lose the ones you love. Keep smiling, keep running, forget about the worries and think only of the present.

She snapped back quickly, violently, and her face instantly betrayed her feelings. But it was only momentary, and somehow she'd timed her lapse to the very moment he looked down. He may have seen a glimmer of her tortured eyes, but then it was gone. A mere trick of the light.

Ignoring completely the questions about her, she smiled brightly at him again, her heart warm and burning. She felt drawn to him, this raw honesty of character that was Bion. They were similar like that, both wearing their hearts on their sleeves, both happy and exploring. Surely that would be enough?

"You don't sound fine," she responded softly, her smile fading slightly. Unlike Bion, Es was brilliant at comforting others. She moved a little closer to him, sitting again just close enough to give him the chance to move in if he felt like he needed it. "What do you need answers to?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

[Fire]

In typical Bion fashion, he hadn't even thought about the consequences of their spending time together. He'd never been in love. He didn't know the dangers. All he knew was that he liked spending time with Esmerelda, and that her presence was somehow healing. He hadn't even stopped to consider what would happen if he allowed himself to keep feeling this way.
Bion had always been able to sense how others were feeling. He was good at picking up details; little hints to how a wolf felt. Nervous tendencies, moments of sadness, glints in their eyes that gave their emotions away. But he couldn't see anything in Esmerelda, not the slightest of hidden emotions. This calmed him. Nobody could be that good at hiding things, so she must really be happy. As she moved closer, he suddenly jumped slightly and stared at her. There was almost a kind of fear in his eyes. He hoped that she didn't see it, but didn't know how to hide his feelings. Did he want this? Did he really want to be closer to her?

Of course he did. Bion wanted to be close to everyone. In his eyes, no wolf could do any wrong. He'd forgive them, probably. Relaxing, he smiled warmly again. Esmerelda was no threat. He'd just been feeling a little on edge recently, that was all. Esmerelda would never hurt him, or confuse him. He was sure of it. Not like his supposed parents. She would help him. He knew he could trust her because every fiber of his body was telling him to.

"Well, I-" he began, then cleared his throat anxiously. His thoughts drifted back into his memories until he could see Rose and Raiden's faces' looking at him as if they were in front of him. "I guess I just want to know who I am." He paused, studying her face for a response before he continued. "I want to remember. It's so frustrating, and it hurts. It hurts not knowing because I-" a whimper escaped his maw briefly and he bit his lip so hard that he had to let it go because of the pain. "I don't know where I belong, Es." His face contorted and he felt like pouring his heart and soul out right there and then because he needed a relief. He didn't want it to all be locked inside his heart any more. He wanted himself back. He didn't want the fear, of the confusion, of the fuzziness. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to tell Esmerelda everything in the hope that she could help him, but he couldn't say another word because he felt like he might collapse in wards. It was such a strange sensation to know that if you opened your mouth all your secrets would spill out willingly. He didn't want to breakdown in front of her. He wanted to be happy, but more than that he wanted her to be happy, and he knew that she liked him. He could feel it, see it in her eyes sometimes. He didn't want Esmerelda to see him hurting but he simply couldn't hide it any more.

[Paint]

"Oh Bion," Esmerelda replied sadly, coming closer to him and gently nuzzling him beneath his maw. It was an action that her mother used to do to her when she was sad, and naturally she'd picked it up. She pulled back to give him some room to breathe.

"I'm so sorry that you're so lost," she said quietly, green eyes reaching out to him. She placed a comforting paw on his paw, glancing down at the two paws together and then back up. She would've done anything, absolutely laid down her life, to make him feel happy again. And she would. She decided there and then that Bion did not deserve to be so sad, to be confused and not know where he was in the world. She knew that she would have to be anything he needed her to be. She was his.

"If you have a hard time remembering," Es began, trying to fit the pieces together. She wasn't entirely sure how much she knew of Bion. But clearly he didn't know much either, and his sitting howling at the border of the Moons' land indicated that he was desperately trying to fit the pieces together too. "Well... maybe you need to ask some more questions. Find out what's going on. I take it that this has something to do with the Moons wolves. Although you don't seem to be like one at all."

She took a deep breath, letting her eyes gaze at him, but she did not stare too intensely. She wanted him to feel like he could open up to her, without being judged.

"As for belonging..." Es started again, thinking carefully about her words. "Home is where your heart is. You can belong wherever you want to, Bion. You can make anywhere your home if you want it enough."

[Fire]

As she spoke he could feel all the frustration start to drip away again. But it wasn't that easy, he knew that Es couldn't fix everything and that this was his problem. Still he couldn't help but feel a little better as she came close to him and nuzzled him. A smile flickered onto his lips as he watched her speak and the need to sob ebbed away. As she moved away he followed her, like a lost pup follows their mother. He watched her as she spoke, his eyes searching hers as if she had all the answers.

Home is where the heart is. He looked away from Esmerelda and down at their paws. With so few wolves in his life, he wasn't one hundred percent sure exactly where his heart was. It tended to be all over the place, with all the wolves he took a liking to. In a way, he had too much love for his own good, but that was the way he liked it. He didn't see any point holding grudges or fighting, he'd never quite understood how anyone could do something so hurtful that it caused you to hate them.

His smile grew wider as she finished talking. Even though he didn't know which pack he belonged to, he knew which wolf he belonged to. He moved toward her and nuzzled her affectionately, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes. With Es so close, he wasn't so afraid. He knew he wasn't alone as long as she was here to help.
"Well, Es, I guess my home is right here with you."

[Paint]

Es smiled shyly. She rarely felt shy, but now was one of those times. She was so happy to see that she'd made him happier, and in that moment she felt as if it was her life's mission to keep a smile on his face. He deserved so much happiness and love, and she was going to give it to him. All of the love in her heart until she was spent.

"No, your home is with the Dancing Stars," she smiled softly, blinking up at him with her green eyes. There was a slight sadness in her. She was feeling a tug in her belly to be with him, the spring fever was catching and she knew that what she wanted was him and a family with him. Still, she was a loner. She couldn't remember how pack dynamics worked, and the confusion was clear in her eyes.

To be a Dancing Stars again... She wasn't sure if she could just waltz up to the border and howl like everyone else. Sure, it wasn't the same pack that she'd left when it broke, but the ideal was still there. She wondered what Caden was like. She wondered who was left over from the earthquake. She wondered especially if Bion even wanted her to offer to join him there, if he really wanted a mate, if he really felt as she did. She tried to search his eyes, desperately hoping he felt the same intensity that she did. The same urgency to be together.

[Fire]

Bion bit his lip, holding back a huge grin. He didn't know how to explain it, really. It was like he had butterflies in his stomach or something. The thought of butterflies in his stomach made him feel a little ill though, so he was glad when Esmerelda spoke and pulled him away from such thoughts. He paused, his lips relaxing as he considered this. She was completely right. Even if Rose and Raiden were his...parents, he had still grown up with Bandit and the rest of the Stars. They'd made him who he was, and no Falling Moon could change that.

He considered Esmerelda's face with an affectionate look. The problem was that she was a loner, and he wasn't allowed to be with her by pack law, which left a few options. The first was unthinkable: they'd stay away from each other. The second he wasn't too sure about, as he knew he wasn't cut out for being a loner, but the third...He frowned a little as Esmerelda. Would she really want to join the Dancing Stars? He knew she liked him, but he didn't want to seem selfish. He wanted to be with her more than anything. To be mates, and raise a family. His stomach seemed to do backflips at the thought of this. A family? Was he ready? He'd never even considered having pups, but now that he thought about it...Esmerelda would make a fantastic mother, and he'd do his very best to be a good father.

He braced himself for Esmerelda's reaction as he began slowly, trying to gather his thoughts. "Es, look. I want to be with you more than anything. I don't really know what this feeling is but- but I do know that I want to be with you because you make me feel safe and...well, when I'm with you I don't feel as afraid but I just can't leave the Dancing Stars. I know you understand, and please, don't think me selfish but-" he took a deep breath in before finishing with some anxiousness, "but would you like to join the Dancing Stars? With me, I mean. We could be, erm- together."

[Paint]

Es felt her smile reach from ear to ear as he asked her. She completely lit up, her whole body seemed to lift. She licked his cheek excitedly, like a pup would to a new friend, and then she laughed.

"I'd love to, Bion. I want to be with you too. I'd do anything," she finished simply. Her smile was still large.

Somewhere in the depth of her subconscious the began to think about being a Stars wolf again. She wondered which faces she'd see from the old valley. She was still happy at the thought of seeing them, but slightly nervous too. Would they accept her? Would they be happy that she was having pups?

Her thoughts suddenly turned to Bion. She knew she was young when the earthquake hit, but... she didn't remember him being a Stars wolf. She didn't remember him at all from before. Meaning he was... a loner? Or a Moons wolf? He did look strangely like Duke's family line, with his black and white fur...

Was she committing some sort of heresy? For falling for him? She considered for a moment, her heart racing, the smile still across her tawny face. It really didn't matter where he was from. Maybe this was the moment where it all changed, where the two pack bloodlines would meet. A head-on collision of Stars and Moons. Surely this was the future, the only way forward?