Still Lonely

[[Midnight]]

The snow was dangerously thick up here on the Lookout. Taya picked her way through it very carefully, and avoided the edge of the cliff - even though, with this heavy snowfall, it was hard to tell where the edge even was.

It was pretty stupid to be up here at a time like this. You couldn't see a whole lot on the horizon. Maybe it did look pretty cool, watching the clouds of snow pile onto white trees below, but it was too much effort to attempt to watch. So with a sigh, Taya buried her body halfway into the snow and began to groom a paw.

She hadn't seen anybody around much lately. The pack hadn't had a decent meal together in ages. But it was to be expected... Smart wolves would be in their dens or finding a bite to eat instead of sitting up on an elevated surface in the freezing cold. It's a shame Taya didn't have anyone to cuddle with up here.
It was the late evening, but not quite sunset yet. She would definately need to leave the lookout before darkness fell. Even though she could see in the dark on a normal night, the snow would probably only be worse later on, and there was no way she was taking chances on wandering off the edge of a cliff.

Taya's eyes flashed around the area, wondering who she was really looking for down there.

[arbie]

Roan wandered about. He was tired, yes, and usually he retired to a den around this time just so he could sleep without having to find a space with other wolves. He didn’t mind waking up to see other wolves in the den, but finding a den with other wolves already in it worried him. It meant he either had to talk to them before either of them fell asleep, or he had to keep as quiet as possible to make sure he didn’t wake them up. He usually did wake them up, with the luck he had. And, even though Roan talked a bit more with others, he didn’t like it. He still felt socially awkward around others, and only Taya, Bandit and Pembe really made him feel happy. Sure, it was odd having only females make him feel at home, but it didn’t matter. Taya was like a sister, Bandit was like another sister and Pembe was… Well. She was really special.

Thinking of Pembe made him smile and chuckle slightly, Roan didn’t really know where he was going, but it was obvious he was heading up. Looking round at the cloudy sky, even the snow couldn’t get his good mood down. Looking back ahead, he wondered if anyone else was up there. Not spotting Taya until it was too late, Roan was now on his stomach in the snow, having tripped over her. Really hoping he hadn’t hurt her somehow, he stood up quickly, shaking off any snow.

“I’m sorry, Taya! I didn’t notice you.” he apologized quickly, looking over her. Then he wondered if she had a special someone in mind for Spring. Roan didn’t know many males in Dancing Stars, actually. He had heard of Oberon, not having the chance of meeting him, but that was it. And Caden of course, but he somehow ruled him out of Taya’s choices. But who knows, maybe Taya liked the intelligent type that would be able to look after her. Any male could look after a female though. Apart from Roan, obviously. He was just a skinny little guy, only good for thinking up things.
"Sorry."

[[Midnight]]

At least Taya had seen Roan coming a moment before he had tripped on her. So it wasn't like a huge surprise.
Still, she couldn't help but squeal when he actually stepped on her, and by the time he was on his stomach, she was on her feet, staring down at him.

She chuckled. Trust Roan to not watch where he was walking.

"Day dreaming again?" she asked, padding over to him with a smile on her face. Finally, someone to talk to!
Actually, Roan looked much better than the last time she had talked to him. He looked somewhat accomplished. He must be fitting into the pack even better than she was.
"Don't worry, you didn't hurt me, by the way."
She sat back on her rump, her head slightly c0cked as she watched her friend's thoughtful face.

[arbie]

He smiled bashfully. There was no need to lie to her, Taya would probably understand about daydreaming. But he wasn’t accusing her of daydreaming like it was a bad thing! Daydreaming sometimes meant you were creative too. He nodded, as if a pup being talked to by an overly kind adult that was cooing at him.
“Yeah, I was.” he admitted, although he wouldn’t tell her what about. If she did ask, Roan had no idea what he would say though. Would he really say Pembe? Would he have to? No, no. Roan was smart, he could think of something else quickly.

“Oh, good. I’m glad. I… Don’t know what I’d do if I did hurt you.” he thought for a moment, ears pricked forward, “Actually. I would probably say sorry and try and make you feel better. But… You know. I wouldn’t know what to do apart from that.”
Roan felt much more relaxed around Taya. He could stutter and be stupid around her and not feel at all like an idiot. It just felt natural. He looked her over once more just in case, even if he wouldn’t have given her any obvious wounds. It’d probably only hurt on the inside, but still. He might’ve somehow hurt her.

He looked over at the absolutely beautiful scenery. Smiling again, he looked at Taya.
“What’re you doing up here all alone? You could be down at the dens, staying warm.” he asked, attempting to start conversation with his friend. Sitting down slowly on his haunches, worried that he would somehow sit down on the edge and fall off. That was another thing he hated about snow. It was a tricky thing. Like Falling Moon.

[[Midnight]]

She had almost forgotten Roan had such a word clutter. So when he began rambling about a hypothetical situation, she just smiled and sort of turned him out, half listening to him and half daydreaming herself. Boy, wouldn't it just be nice to jump off this cliff and have wings that would take you anywhere? To anyone? ....

She blinked away her thoughts and pulled herself back into the conversation right as he began to ask her about being all by her lonesome. She sighed; no point in being civil and dishonest with Roan.

"Well, I actually have the tendency to be in all the wrong places at the wrong time," she said without much mercy towards her own common sense. "But at least I'm not alone anymore... You're here. Otherwise there would be no one else to cuddle with."

Her eyes crinkled with the friendly smile she wore, the snowflakes piling on her eyelashes and ears.

"What have you been up to?"

[arbie]

He always liked Taya. He knew she was listening, but she managed to go away in a daydream. Whenever Roan tried to do that, he could never be in two places. He always blocked the wolf that was talking out because they were interrupting any daydream he had. He looked at her, ears pricked forward, very interested to hear what she had to say. Roan would always try to listen to any of his friends.
“Well, you couldn’t be in the wrong place now.” he stated, smiling shyly, “I came here.”
It sounded very egotistical in his mind, but when he said it, it sounded caring. Something a friend would say.

No one to cuddle with? Did she mean that in a friend sense or mate sense? He liked her, sure, but just as a friend. Taya was amazing, but Roan never thought that she would like him. He always thought about things too much, but he was too caught up in the idea that Taya had a crush on him. It didn’t really occur to him that, perhaps she did mean it in a friend sense. Looking at Taya, he smiled back. Who would have a crush on him, anyway? His heart was still beating fast, but he looked as calm as Roan could be.

“Been up to? Not a lot.” he answered, still smiling. He enjoyed talking with Taya. He enjoyed talking with any female, really. Why was that? He thought about it for a moment. Wait, he knew why… Although Taya or Bandit or Pembe didn’t look like anyone he knew back in the old valley, he still liked talking to them because they reminded him of them. He was using them to cling onto old memories. Perhaps he was just being a little over dramatic.
“How about you?”

[[Midnight]]

It was getting darker as the minutes dragged on, but at least she wasn't alone anymore. The worry quickly disappeared.

Well, what had she been up to? It was a shame she didn't have something interesting to reply with. She just shrugged nonchalantly and shook some of the white flakes off of her pelt, happy to be in the company of someone who would be able to brighten her spirit. Caden was like that, too; capable of turning someone's mood around even if it was at their own expense. Maybe, if Roan had more confidence in himself, he could make a good leader someday.

Boy, thoughts and memories could really turn into a chain, couldn't they? Suddenly she was picturing Roan as an Alpha? So strange.

"I haven't done much with myself, either. Just living," she replied with a bored tone. At the same moment, she remember Falling Moon - they had been quiet, too. The tension was gone. Hopefully it'd be forever.

Taya took a moment to stretch her cool muscles, making sure the cold snow didn't get to them while she was stationary.
"And you're right, I'm realizing it wasn't so much the wrong place after all."

{Muse = POOF.}

[arbie]

Roan smiled. He felt completely relaxed around Taya, as if she were a sister. Perhaps that was Roan’s problem. He connected too quickly, which is why he felt so sad most of the time when he was alone. He just gazed at Taya for a moment, most of what she was saying going in one ear and going out the other. Living was good, but Roan thought it over and decided that saying that would make him look dumb. Deciding right then and there that he would look a little more smart than he comes off to be, Roan straightened up a bit. What did people think of him? Did he seem like a wolf that was stuck in the past? Someone who was aloof and hardly paid attention? No more! He would be a good delta to this Dancing Stars-rip off. He would be the intelligent delta Caden would want.
Well, he’d try anyway.

“It’s a nice view, too.” Roan added, looking out at the horizon. Was it the right thing to say? Gosh, Roan, stop questioning yourself! It was just natural for him, though. As a pup he questioned things, as a young adult he asked about others. Now that there was nothing to inquire about, he’d just criticize himself and wonder if there were other roads he could take. Somewhere that would lead him to a better place. A better place? Ha. The only better place he could think of was with his true pack. Quianna, Carmine, Xaka, Caerwyn, Prospero… Roan wanted to name them all off. His smile was still there, but it was clear in his eyes that he really wasn’t. Blinking rapidly, looking at Taya, he came back.


“Are you happy being an Omega?” he suddenly asked, tilting his head to the right. He would hate to be an omega. Roan would feel even more under appreciated than he felt already, even if it was a secret feeling.

[[Midnight]]

"Hm," she muttered quietly, looking at the land below as Roan mentioned it. Yes, nice view. Probably even better in the Spring. She'd have to come back up here sometime when the snow wasn't falling.
When she looked back at Roan's face she realized that he looked terribly sad. The smile only made it worse - he looked remorseful. She was about to comment on his mood when he suddenly snapped out of it...and asked her a strange question.

An Omega, huh? Sure, she had thought about what life could be like if she could be given a slightly more important rank in the pack. She could handle it. She knew she could. But...

"No, she said confidently, with a smile. "It's not as bad as some might think. Just because I'm lower in the line doesn't mean I get treated differently around here... I can socialize... I get fed... I have a place to sleep... What more can I ask for?"

She glanced up at the pink and orange sky, her heart melting a bit even though dark, snowy clouds were covering most of the sunset.
"And not to mention, I will get to be around the pups more often. That is, if the mothers decide they want to trust me with their babies," she said with a small smile, looking down at her paws.

[arbie]

Roan smiled happily at her words. She wasn’t upset at all at being an Omega, and it didn’t occur to him that she may be lying, even if she wasn’t. But she was right. She got everything the rest of the wolves in the pack received, even if she was last. Did he even know any other Omegas? Psh, that didn’t matter. Taya was a kind wolf that deserved all of his attention right now. Nodding, he glanced out at the horizon. It was such a beautiful image, and Roan was very glad he could share it with someone. He would like to share it with a loved one, sure, but he had every night to watch a wonderful sunset. His dark eyes were locked on Taya once more.

“Of course they’ll trust you!” he said, looking astounded that she’d even suggest such a thing. Why would no one trust little ol’ Taya? She was a wonderful wolf with a good personality. He would want his pups to be around her while growing up, that’s for sure. Then he thought of pups of his own. What would he call them? Gosh, could he ask Taya that? No, it might hint something. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Why wouldn’t they?” he asked after the short pause, tilting his head at her.

[[Midnight]]

She smiled knowingly, her eyes crinkling a bit. In all her life, she hadn't met someone who was so genuine in their concern for her. Every time she tried to put herself down, Roan refused to accept her pessimism and instead promised her that things weren't like that. He was just a sweetheart.

Of course, this time she wasn't really downing herself.
"Well.... I know if I was a mother, I'd be very careful when it came to my puppies. Perhaps, in a way, a little bit harsh to others in the pack."
At least, that was the way it had been back at home. She remembered vaguely when her own mother barked at wolves when they came anwhere near her litter.
"But why shouldn't I be? Pups are a mother's world."
She shook her tail, which in turn threw off a little pile of snowflakes.

"Do you ever plan on having pups with someone, Roan?" she asked curiously, looking over at him with a small grin.