comes and goes

[Fire]

I am only led to wonder why
it comes and goes in waves

The last few weeks had been more than enough to emotionally drain even the most resilient of wolves, of which Pitt certainly wasn't one. It made his head spin to think about how his past life has still gone on turning without him; how it hardly even felt like his home any more. Too much had happened since the Earthquake all those moons ago and he had no idea how to pick up the threads of the past. Where to begin? The tension between the packs was unmissable, but not unexpected. Even as a pup the hostility was obvious, and truth be told he was surprised that both packs were still kicking about. There was never going to be enough room in one valley for them both; something had to give, and soon. It was going to snap any day now, the tension between the packs drawn too taut for it to last any longer, and it made Pitt's stomach churn. A small, selfish part of him wished he had never stumbled across this place, because now he'd been dragged into it there was no way he could leave with a clear conscience. 

But he was here now; a part of the fight, whatever that would come to mean.

It was understandable that he would seek out peace and quiet, searching out the most secluded place in the territory. His new home felt unknown to him, all the faces strange to him. There were scents he recognised, but his sister's scent was fading now, leaving him with an empty feeling of disillusionment. He had neither friends nor family here, not even an acquaintance. Caerwyn and Midnight were long dead, information he was still struggling to deal with, and he was already questioning his place within the pack. Leaving, of course, was not an option for Pitt. The world felt too big and terrifying as it was, abandoning the protection of a pack was the last thing he needed. He was just lonely, and confused, and he wanted desperately for Esmerelda to come back. More than anything he wanted his mother back, wanted to be a pup again, wanted everything back the way it was again.

The cave he came across looked about as secluded as they come; quiet and small and perfect for a rest. Huffing a small sigh of relief, he padded in and tucked himself up in a corner; curling up as tightly as possible for comfort. He breathed in deeply, focusing on the clouds he could drifting through the cave opening. Winter was thawing, and for that he was grateful. The world always seemed better in springtime: fresher and more alive, cold but optimistic. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the sound and feeling of his breathing until he began to drift to sleep.

I am only led to wonder why
why I try

[Paint]

Esmerelda had been wandering around No Man's Land for some time now, a ghost of sorts. If anyone asked, it was to spy on any unsuspecting Moons wolves. Really, it was to scope the place that she would soon call home. Honestly, she didn't know of any of her packmates that would ask her where she was. Perhaps not even her daughter. The thought of her beautiful girl made Es feel guilty to her very core, but she couldn't change who she was. And she would never have pups again, that she was sure of. The loss of her family had altered any maternal sense in her- it was if the earthquake, a whole lifetime ago, had shaken it straight out of her.

So Es loped back to the Starlands, pausing here and there to see the lay of the land. It was so odd now, to be stuck between these packs. Not that she had any intentions of joining the Moons - she would not be like Justyn as long as she lived - but to have the rivalry so strong and violent still. The air was tense with it all, but as the snow melted, Es doubted her place in the pack once again. If they were not to attack, as Bandit had implied, then what did it mean for them? Were they to remain leaderless? It was frustrating, really. So Es ran and sniffed about the place, searching for a new, secluded den for herself for when the time came to create that distance once again. She had always been more of an onlooker really. Crossing the border into the Starlands, she didn't stop. She picked up pace, running and running, until her lungs burned and she was buried deep in the territory.

She came up short when approaching a cave she'd found months ago, frowning and scenting the ground once again. It was Pitt. Esmerelda had been avoiding their meeting. She had seen him once before and run scared. She had been informed of his presence after she'd seen him, but a part of her had genuinely thought it was a ghost. She swallowed painfully, stuck on an emotional precipice. After all these years... she thought, a bittersweet memory. As she waited outside to see if he would stir, she realised why her heart was aching so. To be let down by one brother was bad enough. She wasn't sure if she could stand it if Pitt had changed as well.

Still, he had come all this way, and chosen the Stars. That was a good start.

"Pitt?" she called gently. Her tawny fur was still long and shaggy from the winter, making her appear bigger than usual, so as she approached the cave entrance and saw him asleep, she hoped she would not wake him. He looked so peaceful that her heart stuttered painfully and she scrambled backwards, kicking up stones loudly and freezing. Her large green eyes widened even further and she waited to see if he would be disturbed.