Crossing Lines [Fallon/ closed]

[[Midnight]]

"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"
[/i]

Justyn was in the den that he'd dug out months and months ago. Every time he settled into the earthy mound, and the darkness swallowed him up, the fresh scents of Fallon would fill his nostrils. Oddly enough it would comfort him at times, even if he never saw her that entire day. Today was the same. He found himself missing her touch, wanting her curled up next to him. He missed her.

He laid his head on his paws, his mind a jumbled mess of confused feelings and thoughts. He was replaying his conversation with Rose, over and over again.

He wanted me to seduce you.

I don't want to manipulate your emotions.

"Dammit!" he yelled out loud, his eyes opening as he growled to himself. There would be no sleep for him. It was late in the night; the moon was covered by clouds, and the air was chilled. He shivered despite his thick coat.

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose

His thoughts kept drifting from Rose to Fallon. He was weighing his feelings for each of them, wondering, with a sickness, what he was going to do with himself. There was no such thing as choosing between the two of them. But instincts told him that there was no way he could be with one without hurting the other, in whatever ways. He didn't even know if either of them had feelings for him, to be honest. Especially Fallon. Surely they were friends, but was it really...more than that?

A thought occured to him suddenly, making him sick to his stomach.
Had Fallon been using him this entire time, too? Had he underestimated her ambition? Was she using him to get her paws on the next Beta position?

Despair seized hold of him. He couldn't sit still, so he slunk through the entrance of the den and out into the open air.

Lifting his head, he howled into the night air. He didn't bay very often; he was usually the last to join in wolf song. Tonight, though, his howls came out short and shrill, not calling for anyone in particular. Just the voice of a lost soul, searching for answers that the moon could not give.

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"

[Malo]

Miles away, drifting through her usual haunts, his calls were heard. She pricked her ears, the familiar voice wafting with the slight breeze of the night. Fallon hadn't seen her denmate for awhile now. As she listened she realized how sad he sounded. Had something happened in her absence? It was quite possible, as she considered her own adventures the past few weeks. She had found family, though whether or not she considered them as such remained to be seen. She had wanted his input on her current situation and tonight was the night.

Lifting her head towards the sky, she watched as a million bright stars twinkled, almost like a dance or a game of tag. One would twinkle to her left, then another next to, then another, and so on and so forth until the first had flickered again. It was so beautiful she wondered why she never admired the heavens before. But she would save those thoughts for later. Closing her eyes, her own melodic song rang through the night, calling to her friend. She was coming home.

She at a slow trot, taking in the sights and sounds of the night. It'd been awhile since she'd been up this late; everything seemed so foreign to her. She had found herself to be mentally exhausted, between her guard duties and her discovery of Sorrel. She often retired early, just to avoid contact with anyone else. But now she felt rejuvenated as her pace quickened to a run. She wouldn't say it aloud, but she missed Justyn's presence. Everytime they got together was an unpredictable experience. But right now, she just needed a friend with open ears and a shoulder to rest her head.

When she arrived at the den, Justyn was outside. Fallon gave an excited bark, a pup-like action for one who liked to be considered mature, as she rushed into his chest, burying her face in her fur. She had to admit it was a very affectionate greeting, especially for her, but she was so tired she didn't care. She was happy to see a familiar, non-threatening face.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn was anxious, and he was considering taking a jog through the territory, maybe even finding Duke and doing what Rose had chastised him for not doing; just talking with him. Anything was better right now than his sitting around, letting his mind come up with crazy ideas and letting painful memories eat away at him. He had started to walk away from the den, looking into the trees up ahead, when he heard a wolf answering his calls, the feminine voice echoing across the slopes of the clearing. He felt a tremor run through his body; he recognized the sound of that singing voice.

Her call reassured him that he wouldn't be alone for much longer. He sat back on his haunches and felt an overwhelming desire to see Fallon's face. In a way it was making him more anxious than he'd been moments before, and to kill the time he started to groom himself and to lose himself in his thoughts again.

He wasn't so sure that he'd disclose all of his troubles and woes with his denmate, but it would be enough to hear her talk about her day and maybe pester her just a tad, in the hopes of evoking that clever glint in her eyes and the fired up frown she saved for arguments.

By the time she'd come into his view, he'd been standing tall, watching for her. His tail was wagging at the sight of her. The way she yelped and barreled towards him like a pup had him smiling and thoroughly pleased that she was longing for his company just as much as he'd been for hers. With her head against his broad, furry chest, he felt a sense of security, and also that same estranged feeling - guilt - that always seemed to come to him when the two of them touched or met eyes in any remotely intimate fashion. He still could not place that feeling, or pin a reason on it...but he had his supiscions. He was just trying to deny it.

His eyes closed as he tried his best to tone down his excitement; he was feeling like a puppy, and pride did not allow him to resort just yet to anything degrading. He couldn't help but nuzzle his nose into the fur just under her ear, giving her a nip at her skin that was not meant to harm, but to express affection.

His despair was still there. Rose's cold tone of voice and her expressionless face was still at the forefront of his mind. But he felt them slipping away as he deeply inhaled Fallon's familiar scent, and he was glad for his friend and her ability to calm him.

"Fawny. I missed your scent and your fur," he murmured, drawn into the moment as he rubbed his snout along her lower jaw. There was a huskiness in his voice that, moments after speaking, he seemed to catch, and it took him by surprise. He pulled his muzzle away from her.

"How's life?" he asked her, with a slight feeling of awkwardness. He'd never been this...aware of her before.

[Malo]

She let her tail wag slowly, feeling a deep sense of belonging as they shared this moment. It was probably the most initimate they'd ever been; it was foreign, yet at the same time comfortable. She allowed a small smile to appear as he spoke, but she covered it when he pulled away, feeling a sense of longing and disappointment that he'd ended the contact so abruptly.

Even in their closest times, they'd never shared a moment like that. Their bond had always been an odd one; there was definitely a sense of kinship, but how deep their feelings went was a topic Fallon had always avoided, at least verbally. She'd wondered about her position in Justyn's life more than she cared to admit, especially when there were wolves such as Rose lurking. Fallon was not oblivious to their relationship, and she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Did he and Rose ever share moments like the one they'd just had? She wouldn't be surprised; she knew how loyal Justyn was to the silent and regal she-wolf. But he was hers for the moment and she intended to take advantage of it. Masking her Rose concerns, she turned her thoughts to her family problems.

Life is...well, different. She forced a chuckle, looking away as she tried to gather her jumbled thoughts. She shifted her weight on her front paws, taking care not to apply excessive pressure on her left forepaw. A frown crossed her face as she thought about Sorrel and Derova. I found my siblings, Almira's latest litter. I have a half brother and sister.

The words came out surprisingly easy, much to her relief. She and her mother had had a strained relationship, to say the least. She still remembered the last conversation she had with her mother, an anger filled, insult-littered argument. Fallon had been harsh, cruel, to her only known blood at the time. And now she was gone. She could feel herself shaking and she inhaled and exhaled deeply in an attempt to calm her nerves. With any other wolf around, she would have kept her stoicism and behaved nonchalantly, but Justyn knew how alone she was in the world. How much the loss of her parent had unnerved her, among other things. She could trust him.

She wanted so deeply to move back into the familiarity of his touch, to hide her face in his fur, to feel him nip at her ears, have his comforting warmth invade her normally cold being. However, she restrained herself from exhibiting any more reckless or adolescent behavior until the conversation took a happier turn. The subject of family was a sensitive one, one she preferred not to think about. Still, life had a funny way of forcing her to do so anyway.

[[Midnight]]

His eyes were studying her moonlit features, especially her wolfish lips as she spoke of how different things were. He was smiling at this, thinking again of how strikingly similar they were to each other; it was mind-blowing. He had just been saying that to Rose how he felt different, how things seemed as though they were changing. And as Fallon explained her newest circumstances, he was swept back into memories again, this time remembering that moment when he first saw Esmerelda and Roan and realizing that his family had survived the earthquake. He understood perfectly well why Fallon was beginning to look disturbed by her own announcement. He'd gone through it, too, even if his circumstances had been quite different. He'd grown up with his sister as a littermate, had gone through the lonely agony believing she was dead, and then suddenly had her reappear into his life once again. Except, he'd been caught with his hands in the cookie jar, as the expression went; the Beta of their most hated enemy.

As she took a moment to breath deeply and gather her thoughts, he wondered if this was what he looked like when his own brain was reeling with unanswered questions. Justyn did not always have a way with words, and even now he was struggling to find the right words to say to his friend, knowing he was treading on very thin ice that covered a sensitive subject. Family meant a lot to Fallon, and she'd only just come to realize a short while ago that this was the case, when she saw her mother was dead. Once again, it had sort of been the same for Justyn. Now it was too late to repair the bridges that led back to his sister, just as Fallon could no longer find her way back into her mother's love.

The heartache of his responsibility came rushing to him along with all his other painful things, pushing his despair back into first place in his heart. He glanced at Fallon's wounded paw, and back to her face, feeling urges more incredibly powerful than anything he was used to. He wanted to hide away from the world and just to be smothered under a blanket of her sweet fur.

It must just be the coming change of season that had him feeling like this... He was trying to shake it off, hoping his eyes didn't betray him too much.

He offered her a kind, reassuring smile.
"In the end, Nature always gives us a new chance to try again," he said to her, his tone gentle and his eyes full of understanding. "I can see you with little siblings. You can boss them around and they'd probably hang on your every word like you're a goddess."

He was trying to keep it cheerful, but truth be told he wasn't quite sure if Fallon was happy over this or if she was in some sort of turmoil. He could at least tell that she was nervous, but that didn't necessarily say she was not excited to have family again. Justyn was definately happy for her. She needed some more distractions from her lonely achings. In a way, her estranged mother had left behind a means for Fallon to forgive herself and free herself from guilt.

"Are you happy?" he asked her bluntly, blinking his hazel eyes and watching her closely, as if he suspected she might try and give a half-hearted answer or a lie. He felt terribly vulnerable again as he questioned his relationship with Fallon; had he been wearing his heart on his sleeve without realizing it? Did he have as great an influence on her as she did to him?

[Malo]

As he spoke, she chuckled to herself, wondering how mesmerized Sorrel really was with her. His mind seemed to travel at a speed far greater than her own, bouncing from one subject to the next like a bee in a meadow of flowers. She looked at Justyn, catching his eye for a moment. There was usually a look of friendship and content, but tonight there was something different, something...intriguing. She couldn't place what it was, but the look in his eye sent pleasant shivers down her spine, and she dared to step closer to him.

As she began to respond, she thought about their similiar situations. While Justyn had his own family, he had none at the same time. Her relationship with Almira had been strained and was a parallel to Justyn and sister, though Fallon couldn't remember the she-wolf's name. But Fallon had intentionally destroyed the bond between she and her mother, whereas Justyn's problems came as consequence for his joining the Moons. Just when Fallon thought she was alone, she had found him; this big, handsome, young male who was physically strong and powerful in their pack's social workings had become her one true friend.

I don't know what to do about them, but I feel like I have an obligation to them. Almira is gone and with Naila missing, I'm pretty much all they have. Sorrel's mind is all over the place, but I doubt he considers me a goddess. It's all very uncormfotable, that's for sure.

She shrugged as if it was nothing, but of course she was lying. His question practically made her hair stand on end and the rare occasion where Fallon was speechless was upon them again. She opened her mouth, then closed it. She had never thought about it before, but she honestly did not know if she was happy to have Sorrel and Derova or not. On one paw, they were family by blood and with Naila gone, she was alone again. On the other, they were the product of Almira's betrayal.

Her hazel-green eyes searched Justyn's for any sign of what he might be thinking. She wanted desperately to forget the conversation and bury herself in his broad warmth. She wanted to feel his strong physique against her own, inhale his masculine scent, and feel comfortable and protected. She wanted to disappear into his dark fur, praying her issues would disappear with the moon at dawn and she could go on with a carefree existence.

But she knew her problems would not go away overnight, she knew Justyn couldn't protect her from her own deep seated issues; it didn't stop her from wanting to try. I honestly don't know how I feel about it. It's...complicated.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn only ever seemed capable of feeling emotions so intensely; there was never a conversation that ended with simple small-talk. No, Justyn was always so honest with his opinions and feelings without realizing it. Even with Duke, it had been that way. Most wolves knew better and kept their muzzles shut and their opinions to themselves, but there were times when Justyn just could not do that - like that day he and Duke had argued about the Stars wolves and their gumption. Justyn suspected all along that they were capable of fighting back if given enough prodding; Duke had taken that as a sign of attachment for his old family.

In the end that wasn't always the case, though. Fallon was an exception. He was oftentimes brutally honest with her, sure, but at the same time there were fractions of his feelings for her that he had always kept hidden. He never thought much of it or had come to the conclusion as to why he shied away from admitting it. After today, however, he was sure he knew exactly why.

He'd been holding out, for Rose's sake. For the chance that she might think of him as more than just a best friend. And now that she'd let him know how she really felt, he was essentially freed from her grip. The pain of it was raw and almost unbearable, and he knew his life was on the verge of another dramatic change, but Fallon was now his stability. Her scent was comforting, and her voice soothing.

He was in the process of an absolute anxiety attack, his inner emotions shifting and changing dramatically, but now he could face the reality of his tension with Fallon. Being with her didn't mean he was going to betray anyone.

These thoughts almost made him lose focus for a second; he blinked at her, looking at her as if for the first time, as she was speaking about Almira, obligations, someone named Sorrel - oh, that was her little brother. And Derova must be her sister. He smiled; even though she was admitting that she was inwardly torn over what to think, he felt happy for her.

As she searched his eyes, he searched hers. Despite the fact that he felt as though his heart had been ripped into two, it was surprisingly easy to look at Fallon and not think of his own problems. Still, his eyes were a mixture of tender caring and utter agony. What he really wanted to do was bury his face into her chest and cry, but this moment was not the right one. He needed to reassure her.

He chuckled lightly at her last remark.

"I understand. Siblings are a risky business. You have the power to influence their feelings," he responded, his tone almost flat, resigned. Again he was thinking of Esmerelda. He'd been so happy to see her alive again. Now he was faced with the consequences of his choice to follow the Moons to stay alive. It was likely he'd be facing her in their war against the Dancing Stars. The whole thing had him shaking like a coward.

"You're not completely obligated," he stated, swallowing as he studied the tufts of fur inside of her ears. They were so feminine and cute and added to the beautiful roundness of her head.

"I imagine they'll be full grown very shortly. You aren't responsible for their welfare just like you aren't responsible for mine. At the same time, assuming they aren't too annoying, it might be really nice for you to have someone to talk to now and then, you know? Considering I'm so... stupid at times," he told her his honest opinion, offering her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Well, all the time, actually. I'm pretty much the dumbest wolf you could ever get involved with."

He was trying to play it off like a joke. He could own up to his faults and laugh them off. Or, so he'd thought. Before he knew it his throat had closed up with grief and he felt a tear staining the fur of his cheek. His smile faltered, his gaze dropping from hers out of embarassment.

Damn. He promised himself he wouldn't cry.

"Sorry, rough day," he murmured an apology to her, lifting a paw and lowering his head to wipe shamefully at his muzzle.

[Malo]

A half-hearted smile was her response. Her mind reeled as she took in his words. In all honesty, it probably wouldn't take much to yield a strong influence over her brother. She hadn't met Derova and wondered if she would turn out to be anything like their wayward mother. Fallon prayed not. Her ears perked when Justyn began mentioning how stupid he was and she couldn't help her heart fluttering as he mentioned "getting involved".

You're not stupid Justyn. Occasionally hotheaded and stubborn, yes, but stupid? No.

Her moment of nervousness turned to concern as she watched a single tear fall down his face. She immediately moved towards him, dipping her head close to his to force him to look at her. Something was wrong after all. She nudged his chin with her nose, positioning herself so they were at eye level. She didn't want him to hide from her. She wanted to know he was comfortable in confiding in her; if not simply for his own well being, but because she was fully aware that he probably spilled his feelings to Rose with ease. Rose...the one hinderance to any plans Fallon could concoct with Justyn in mind.

She now was a mix of emotions. Concern for Justyn, confusion for her siblings, and jealousy for Rose. Even when her presence was absent, she still had a hold of both of them. She tried to put herself in Rose's place, trying to figure out what she would say to make Justyn talk about his "rough day". But she wasn't Rose; Fallon would just have to hope he was in a talkative mood.

If something happened, you can tell me, she said, though she couldn't hide the slight shake her voice held. She lifted her head to place her chin on his shoulder, hiding her face so he wouldn't see her frustration briefly rear its ugly head.

[[Midnight]]

All Justyn could really do was just give a slight shake of his head and stare at Fallon with indescribable emotion in his eyes. He was grinning, too, like one does when they are skeptical of something. He was certainly taking Fallon's reasoning very cynically. But, he was still grateful to hear that she didn't think of him as stupid, even if he was convinced he was.

He wouldn't let himself cry any more tears. It was time he stopped being so whiny all of the time. After all, he'd realized something. He might've been putting Fallon through everything he felt he'd just endured, too. He wasn't really sure. What did she think of him? No, what did she feel for him?

The way she nudged at his chin and forced him to look her in the eye made him want to laugh, smile, cry. Actions spoke louder than words; at least above all he knew that Fallon really cared for him. He already knew that, though. Still, more than ever, he felt that he could trust Fallon with all of his darkest emotions. He continued to stare into her eyes, letting them speak for him as he knew not what to say.

When she asked what was wrong, and proceeded to rest her head on his broad shoulder, he closed his eyes and immediately buried his muzzle into the soft fur of her neck, like he'd been dreaming about just minutes before.

"No. Nothing's happened. I just need you," he murmured without bothering to hide his raw desire. "Do I have you?"

He was aware the question was worded oddly, entirely vague. But he figured his tone of voice would say enough; he wanted her.

{{I'm so museless. I apologize if this disappoints xD}}

[Malo]

His wordless response to her sent shivers down her spine. It was clear in his gaze that he was going through as many emotions as she was, if not more. A small smile appeared as she felt him return her touch. They were finally reunited after so many weeks apart.

She hadn’t realized how much she had missed his presence; being so close to him sparked a feeling she hadn’t felt before. A burning desire to melt into him, a wish for them to become one in this moment. It shocked, thrilled, and frightened her all at once. Fallon had never wanted something so strongly, not even fulfilling her birth right as Beta. Right here, right now, she was not afraid to say she wanted Justyn all to her own.

She moved her head away from his shoulder, gently licking his ear. What he said next caught her off guard. She pulled away, not bothering to hide her surprise as her ears perked in alarm.

She ran his words over and over in her mind; they confused her and made perfect sense at the same time. For a moment she thought she might have misunderstood, but she took note of his tone and knew he felt the same way she did. Rubbing her head under his chin, she closed her eyes, hoping to capture the moment in her mind forever. You have me.