Something's Been Missing

[Malo]

It was late in the afternoon as the brown female made her way through her home, separating herself from it all once again. She didn't know where she was heading or why; she just knew she wanted to escape. She felt like she was suffocating. It had been many weeks since Almira had died, longer than that since she had seen Naila. Fallon had come to the conclusion that once again, she was alone in the world.

Considering there were many new faces thanks to the births in spring, one would think that it would be impossible to feel alone. But it was possible. Out of the many pups that had been born, Fallon had only come across one so far. Kohar, one of Duke's latest prodigies. She had decided that she liked her so far, which was a lot for Fallon to say. Pups were not her favorite things in the world, not at all. Kohar was an interesting character however and Fallon could foresee the young female taking over the pack someday when Duke was gone. Rose certainly didn't want the position and the rest of Duke's offspring seemed incompetent, at least the ones in her generation.

Yet, it did not negate the fact that Fallon had found herself at the Moon Stream on the borders of her home, yearning to find something that she couldn't grasp, because she did not know what it was. She did not know if she wanted companionship or to be alone, friends or family, sympathy or lack thereof. Honestly, she hated to be pitied. It made her feel weak and unworthy. But those were the many confused and conflicting thoughts that now ran through her mind. Coming to the water's edge, she stared at her reflection and was shocked. Her face looked older than it once had, from the pain and grief she had endured the past few weeks. Her eyes looked wary, her ears no longer perked, and her fur was dull due to stress and the fact that she hadn't bothered to groom herself as much as she usually did. She hadn't cared about her appearance for awhile now. It pained her to look at the face in the water who stared back at her warily.

Is this what I am now?

[[Midnight]]

Justyn had heard the latest gossip about the Dancing Stars kidnapping. They were, from what he considered, unreliable sources, so from his opinion, it was rubbish. There was no way the Dancing Stars Alpha could be that stupid and helpless. He'd never stray that close to the Moons by himself.

Justyn was in denial. He just didn't know it yet.

He pushed the "fake" story from his mind as he traversed the gentle stream of this part of the territory. Some algae clung to his pelt as he walked the opposite shore, dripping wet from his belly. The stream was low since summer's heat took its toll on the land, but it was still cool enough to leave him feeling refreshed. He decided to walk along in the stream instead of crossing right on through. He turned around and headed back for it and began to charge ahead, feeling anxious. The water splashed violently as he changed his pace to a jog.

As the minutes passed, he took a moment to stop and survey his surroundings, since he was making so much of a ruckus. There didn't seem to be a soul around, not from any animal so much as a wolf. Good, he thought. He didn't feel up to speaking much. He was ruminating on his scrambled thoughts, jumping from one idea to the next. He waded of out the stream and back to shore, into the underbrush, where he took a few moments to mark a tree and scrape earth over it. This spot is mine! it said. Justyn the Beta.

He loped about the woods for another minute or two before realizing he was thirsty. Back to the stream it was. He zigzagged around trees and bushes and emerged ungracefully through a thicket of thorns. Fortunately they missed his pawpads; he took a look at one just to be sure. Satisifed, he looked back up, towards the stream, and was then surprised to see the backside of a familiar, slender form. Her scent was suddenly flowing through his nostrils, reminding him of the days and nights he spent in the den that the two shared. He could tell, just from her back, that she was lost in some depressing thought or another.

He quietly approached until he was standing over her shoulder, peering down at her reflection into her eyes. Expressionless, he studied her. She looked uncomfortable.

"Something in there I should know about?" he asked curiously, leaning down next to her until his face was an inch from the water's surace.

[Malo]

The red and brown female jumped, her face showing how startled she was. Looking into the river and seeing Justyn's face, she calmed down, turning her head so that they were eye to eye. It had been awhile since she had seen her denmate, seeing as how she had been preoccupied with the kidnapping and guarding Caden. In what seemed like an eternity ago, she would have slapped him on his nose and threatened to shove him in the river for giving her a scare. But her energy was drained now; she felt tired, older than what she should for a two year old. Instead, she rolled her eyes and padded into the water, taking some joy from its coolness.

"Nothing of interest, just fish and pebbles as usual." There was no hint of sarcasm in her voice, a rarity for Fallon. Submerging herself in the water, she looked back at Justyn. He looked well; she assumed he was doing better than she was with her injuries. At that moment, she stepped on a large rock with her left forepaw and an excruiating pain shot up her entire leg. She let out a pained yelp and scampered out of the stream, holding her paw up as she limped onto the bank and plopped on the ground to examine it. She had forgotten how tender it was.

She turned her back to Justyn, unable to bear an image of weakness in front of anyone, even him. Fallon examined her paw closely, seeing her pads redden where the puncture wounds inflicted by Caden's teeth lay. She began to lick her wounds, tending to her injury and wondering how long she would have to live with such a mark. Keeping her gaze at her feet, she avoided Justyn's eyes, hoping he would just ignore what he had witnessed.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn was silent as he took in the whole scene with his hazel eyes. Ears swiveling to pin against his skull, he frowned and his head c0cked ever so slightly. He wanted to openly disagree with her "nothing unusual" statement. It was obvious that something was on her mind. He wanted to ask her what was up, but felt himself hesitate. Truthfully he wasn't sure if he was up for hearing any bad news. That's when she stepped forward and cried out in pain.

Justyn's ears flew back forward and he was up on all fours, eyes wide with surprise. As she begun to nurse the wounds on her paws, Justyn's frown deepened. Now he was far more concerned. He had not noticed that she was injured, and he felt a throb of fear in his heart.

"Hey, who did this to you?" he demanded, and stepped forward to examine her at a closer distance. With his hyper-active brain, he began to imagine all sorts of scenarios - the worst being a brawl with Duke. He dismissed that after giving her a closer look. Duke would have bitten her ears off, gouged through her legs, and ripped her tail to shreds. He could see some scratches and bites along her pelt, but from the looks of her general health she had fought hard and possibly won, whoever it was.

He felt his tense muscles relax at the thought, but still felt a sudden burst of anger. He'd never seen Fallon hurt before, and it made him feel surprisingly territorial. Nobody messed with the two females in his life!

[Malo]

Fallon's ears perked as she heard him step forward and she stopped in her work. She lay still for a moment, refusing to turn and look at him. Would he be angry when he found out the source of her injuries? Would he chastise her and tell her how stupid and foolish she was for attempting it? Would he blame her if the results of her actions came down to an all out war between the Moons and the Stars? For a moment she considered lying and saying that she had stepped on a sharp rock on the cliffs near the dens, but she knew he would see how deep her cut was and immediately dismiss that possibility. She sighed, knowing that even she could not come up with a convincing lie at this point. The truth it was.

"Caden." Her answer was simple, but it would tell him all he needed to know. She was sure he had heard about the kidnapping, like many wolves, but no one really knew whether or not it was true except those who were guarding him and had committed the capture. She had heard all sorts of idiotic and outlandish rumors. But no one knew for sure whether or not it was true. Looking down at her paw again, she knew her denmate would get the confirmation he needed.

Sighing again, Fallon lay her head down on her paws, her grooming complete. She figured if she cleaned her paw out a few times a day she could avoid infection and losing her paw altogether. The cut on her shoulder would have to heal on its own, but it was nowhere near that deep. A scratch from Caden's claws she had managed to pull away from. Her ears lay flat on her skull now as she entered her thinking mode, recalling the events that had happened. She did not feel like discussing her problems, but she knew she would have to tell him eventually. There was no need to drag out the process.

[[Midnight]]

The confusion cleared when she told him who she had fought with. He had not realized she'd had a hand in the kidnapping, but now it all made sense. He felt proud of her for being so strong. Justyn had not asked any details of the kidnapping yet since the whole situation made him uncomfortable. He didn't like to admit it. He wanted little to do with the Stars.

He was smiling, but caught himself. He quickly replaced it with a masked expression, turning his focus back to her as she planted her head on her paws. He thought that she would have quickly come to hime to boast of her hand in the kidnapping. She had battle scars that she had earned. She had gained brownie points for becoming a Beta. Confused, Justyn wondered why she looked upset. Did she lose to Caden after all and needed someone to step in?

He wondered what he could do to console her, but really wasn't sure. After everything they'd been through together, he still didn't know her inside and out. He knew she was proud, but had rarely seen her sad. The last instance had been when she cried against his chest for the death of her mother. He wondered if her solemn look was related to that at all.

Wordlessly, he curled up next to her and sniffed at her shoulder wound, beginning to lick it with his smoothe tongue.

"I thought you'd wear your wounds with pride," he said, after a brief pause, and the continued his grooming. This was a rare occaision for Justyn - showing outright affection. It was foreign to him, but he was trying.

[Malo]

I thought you'd wear your wounds with pride. She shuddered when she first felt his tongue on her shoulder, but she relaxed and lay without protest as he continued to groom her. Her solemn mood was temporarily broken by a soft chuckle. "I don't mind the flesh wounds. They are just a story to tell. But this," she briefly looked at her injured paw again, "This could be a hinderance later on. It's not a scratch, it's an infliction. It's deep, it has memories. It's a constant reminder, not because of what it looks like, but how it feels. The cut on my shoulder, I barely feel it. But this..."

She trailed off in thought, remembering how she had snapped at Caden's ears, neck and belly. She remembered being knocked in the mouth and having her shoulder torn into. But the biggest pain she had endured had been her mistake. Aiming to mar Caden's face, she had not anticipated his speed; he'd caught her paw in his mouth and held on tenaciously. He bit harder and harder, and she had thought eventually her limb would disappear into the depths of his stomach. It took another wolf attacking him from behind before Caden let go of her, and now she could face a permanent handicap.

She turned to look at him, her hazel-green gaze saddened. "I hate to say it, but it hurts. And you know how our pack is..." She did not need to remind Justyn that every wolf in the Falling Moons had to be strong, or die. Weakness was not acceptable. Her greatest fear was being cast aside as a weak link and having to leave her pack, her home. Being a Moon was all she knew. Would she be a disappointment to her father, hell, maybe even her mother if they could see her how she was? She blinked as a warm, solitary tear flowed down her cheek.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn quit his rythmic licking of her shoulder scratch to look at her face. Her mood was more grim than he'd picked up. Apparently that paw was really getting to her; and, if Justyn wasn't crazy, it was an emotional battlescar more than anything. He really wouldn't have grasped her fears until she said that last sentence. It made him stop and think.

Old, familiar feelings and memories came back to haunt him. He remembered being just a pup, covered in dust, wide-eyed and staring blanky up at a group of refugees traveling away from a desolate home. He had been so young, but knew, like Fallon knew now, that weakness was not permitted in the eyes of those without compassion. The fear and determination to live had molded him into a hard shell. He thought he had become impenatrable, but realized later that he was only running away from himself.

He hadn't thought of Fallon that way before. He really didn't know her. What was under her shell?

He curled his lips up in a slight snarl. For some reason, he grew angry at his friend. It was like she was committing herself to death.

"What are you really crying about?" he asked accusingly, furrowing his brows. He was clearly irritated, but kept his voice controlled, cool. This was that kind of moment where he began to speak without knowing what he was about to say. Perhaps the unearthing of his deepest childhood fears were visible between the lines. He had read into her mind, and could feel her secrets resonating through his own wounded soul. Justyn was afraid of losing her.

"Is it your paw? Or is it because of how lonely you're feeling right now?"
His dormant hatred for Falling Moon's ideals - ultimately, Duke - came back to the surface. Like the Fire he was, Justyn was reignited in an instant.
"Why do you stay in a place like this? You do the dirty work - you put your life on the line...for what? To be left alone to die? That's what you're saying," he reasoned, pulling away from her side to stand up anxiously on all fours. After pacing in a tight circle, he looked again to her paw, thinking of anything in his power to mend it. Then he caught sight of her face, and the wet trail her tear had left, and felt the anger flowing out of him like a broken dam spilling over.

He hadn't meant to turn it around on her, and felt ashamed. He sat back and tried to grasp for that emotionless wall he used when he was trying to hide from everything.

"Sorry," he muttered with a sigh, sinking down to his belly and avoiding her gaze. "I over reacted. It's not as if I'd let anyone touch you, anyhow. You forget that I'm Beta, and the only one above me around here is Duke."

[Malo]

Fallon flinched, startled by Justyn's sudden outburst. Her eyes grew wide with shock as he yelled at her, feeling like a helpless pup under his reprimand. Then her senses came back; this was Justyn who was chastising her. She felt her body swell with anger, feeling a passionate heat rush through her body. She jumped to her paws, fur bristling, ears flat and teeth bared. Is it your paw? Or is it because of how lonely you're feeling right now?[/i]

She released a deep growl, ignoring the pain in her paw as her eyes watched Justyn's every move. "Watch your mouth, Justyn," she said, her voice low and threatening. How dare he? As she stood trying to contain herself, her body trembled as she envisioned ripping her jaws through his body. How DARE he! She listened to the rest of his speech with cold eyes before turning around, shaking her head as she took a few steps away from him. "Why I stay is none of your concern. You don't know anything about me."

Still angry, she began to walk away, signaling the conversation was over. Then she stopped and perked her ears as she caught his apology. She stopped, turning her head so that she could look at him with one stern hazel-green orb. She was still angry, and his words would not be forgotten so soon. In her critical gaze, she noticed how he avoided looking at her. A small pang of satisfaction crept into her psyche, but she didn't let it show. Instead she grunted, turning to sit so she could face him full on. Fallon held her head high, her chest puffed out; she had always been a proud wolf and this time, unlike their last fight, she was not going to apologize. Not after he had insulted like he did. "That is where you are right, Justyn." She was tempted to say Duke had also approved of her recent actions rather than scold her, but she felt as though sparking another argument would not end as well.[/size]

[[Midnight]]

On Fallon's end, Justyn had almost expected her immediate reaction, but knew better than to find her understanding of his hidden motives. Anger was the only chief way of his expressing himself, though lately he had been much better at supressing majority of his temper. He was not quick to take offense to the Delta's defensive indignance. He merely looked at her in gaze that seemed almost sullen. He did not bother to stand up, but stay rooted to the cool ground.
You don't know me, she had said. How true it was.

The male still felt very disturbed by the whole idea of it. Fallon was hurt, and gave the impression that it could become a permanent handicap. She seemed emotionally distressed, too. And in Justyn's opinion, it was all for a stupid reason.
The two had reached a point where they could not understand one another. He tried to reason with himself silently; Fallon was born and raised a Falling Moon. It was run by a tyrant, but it was still home to her. What a home it was, though, when you constantly worried that you'd be eaten alive by brutality and lack of empathy.

His gaze softened and he let out a long, tired sigh. He knew he had wounded her further, and though it was not his intention, he felt he couldn't rescind his words. Still, he knew he could be a little more sincere.

"Don't stay mad at me. I am sorry," he repeated, watching her and running his eyes across her aggressive form.
"It just pisses me off that you're hurt. I should have been there, or...something."

He trailed off for a bout of foolishness. He felt like he was coming across as an overbearing father more than a friend. Confused as to his own feelings, he hesitated again before looking up at her face and continuing his speech.

"And it's stupid that we have to be afraid of weakness. You could be crippled for the sake of the pack and nobody really cares."

He looked down at his paws. These feelings were new to him. He hadn't cared about the packs doings beyond what happened to his own two friends. But in that moment he was really seeing an unfamiliar side of himself, maybe one that had been there from the beginning. The injustice of it all was making him feel disheartened, and he wanted to do something about it. It was all hopeless, though. He grunted and, feeling more out of place than ever, he looked up to the sky. He wasn't confident he had convinced Fallon of forgiveness, and was prepared for her to walk away or continue her snarls. They'd see each other later in their den - unless his offense had truly been taken to heart.

[Malo]

Still brooding, she contemplated leaving again. But where would she go? To the den, that they shared? No, if she truly wanted to avoid him that would be a foolish move on her part. Then Fallon thought of something; she did not know whether or not she really wanted to avoid him at all. Without her family, Justyn was her only true friend. She had nowhere to go and no one to turn to for comfort.

Sighing with frustration, she briefly looked away from him. She might as well hear him out, regardless of whether or not she agreed with what he had to say. Turning back, she mistakenly looked at his eyes. The absence of anger and his more reserved tone tugged on her heart. At least he was putting forth the effort to turn the conversation around; try as she might, she also could not ignore the soft spot he held in her heart.

She flattened her ears once again. She shook her head, looking off into the distance with a deep sigh. "Well that can't be helped now. You were off taking care of your responsiblities; you are the Beta after all."

Looking back at him, she laid down with her paws crossed. The wind picked up, whipping her fur back and forth as silence crossed between the two. In the back of her mind anger still reared its ugly head, but not as strong as it had been. She looked at the ground, struggling to find something to say. "Well...sometimes things happens. Lesson learned, right?" As nonchalant as she tried to make her statement sound, that feeling of uncertainty and worry began to creep into her heart again.

[[Midnight]]

It was usually by now that Justyn started to feel the repercussions of his loss of self-control. Others mostly reacted to his anger with mirrored actions, and Jusytn would be pushed beyond his emotional limits. He hated that he was so fickle in temperament, but it couldn't be helped, or so he thought. With a stranger, maybe it couldn't, but with Fallon, apparently it could... She seemed to see that he was calming down. He too sensed that she wasn't as fired up as moments before, and it helped him enormously. His eyes cleared. He started to watch her face again.

He had almost blown it again. He was forgetting what pack he lived with and who he was talking to. Fallon was a fighter, and she was good at keeping up a tough bravado. Even when she cried wordlessly over her mother, Justyn hadn't seen weakness in her. Not until now. And she was trying to share it with him.

She looked sad and vulnerable. What could he do? He could fight and protect, but when it came to emotional support, he was all too awkward. He was always afraid of saying the wrong thing.

He did the only thing he knew how to do. At a loss for words, he pushed forward on his paws and met her chest with his own, wrapping his neck around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not about me. I'm done ranting, so you can talk all you want and I will listen," he murmured, loud enough only for her ears. "If your paw gets worse, I won't leave your side."

He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears rather successfully. He needed to be an adult now.

[Malo]

His sudden exertion made her stiffen and sent chills down her spine at the same time. She would never get used to outward displays of affection and one couldn't blame her. After all, the only ones Fallon had ever trusted whole-heartedly with her feelings until Justyn came along had been her beloved father and brother Omari. Denzin, she loved, but she had chosen a favorite brother. Naila, wherever she was, was the only sister Fallon knew and quite likely the only surviving family member she had left. She hadn't realized how much she'd needed her until their mother had died. Fallon thought about Almira's other children and disregarded them; she had never met or even seen them, so they were no kin to her. And because of that, Justyn's embrace unnerved and comforted her at the same time.

She did not pull away, but buried her nose into his neck instead. She closed her eyes for a moment, pulling herself together. When he spoke, she listened, and for a moment she said nothing. The silence was calm, no longer filled with a grueling tension that threatened to break the peace between their two stubborn personalities. Slowly, the she-wolf pulled away to look at her companion, her hazel green eyes bright. She did not know if she wanted to reveal what was really on her mind. She had never spoken about her fear of disappointing her parents before, and she didn’t know what to expect once the words were finally out in the open. She looked at her paw again, the pain having subsided during their shouting match. Sighing, she looked off into the direction of the stream, her gaze distant.

“It’s my father. And my mother, I guess. ” She stopped. She didn’t know just quite how to continue. Fallon felt her eyes swell up, the tears threatening to crash down like a rushing waterfall and spill her emotions onto the rock that was her sanity. She tried to blink them away, but a few still managed to escape to freedom, only to splash haphazardly onto the dirt beneath her. Inhaling deeply to try and regain her composure, she faced Justyn again. “I just…I don’t know what I’m doing in life. I’ve always wanted to please my father, follow in his paw prints. But, I don’t know…I feel as if I haven’t honored his name. He was a strong, kind wolf...” She trailed off, looking at her paw again. She had been confident once, but now she felt confused and alone.

[[Midnight]]

He was glad - so glad that she did not pull away from his embrace. Though they were equally hotheaded and stubborn and sometimes clashed, they had managed to keep and nuture their close friendship. This was very important to Justyn, since he had almost been positive that he would one day destroy all the good things in his life. He was no longer as afraid of showing his tender side or swallowing his pride - he knew that was the only reason it had survived. Thinking of this, he closed his eyes and wished he could take away all of her hurt in the most chivalrous of manners. But Fallon's hurt was something he couldn't touch, and, besides, he was no hero. Fallon certainly didn't need rescuing from the likes of him.

His feelings were surprisingly romantic and vaguely familiar. Before he could ponder on it, however, Fallon was confessing to him, and he gave up his attention for her words. He listened carefully, watching as she studied her paw, turned away to the stream, and back to him. They were heartfelt. Before he realized it, there was a sharp pang of loneliness his own heart. Fallon's worries were sorely reflective of how Justyn often felt of his own family. His mother, his sister, maybe even his dead siblings. Especially his sister, the only living relative he had.

He sighed. Perhaps they were more alike than he ever realized, he and Fallon. He gazed at her thoughtfully, quickly putting together his next few sentences.

"Your father has no reason to be ashamed of you. You are the most loyal Moons wolf I have met. You are both kind and strong. You are on your way to being an Alpha."

His face grew serious. He wanted her to know for sure that he was not saying this out of the kindess of his heart. He meant every word.

"I have felt this way before, too. Sometimes I'm still confused as to why I am even here. Why did I survive that earthquake? I'm totally useless. You are loyal to your bloodline, Fallon. As for me? Well, look at me."

His gaze dropped to the ground in shame.

"I'm a coward who runs away from everything. I can't even be loyal to my own family. I bretrayed my own mother, who died protecting me. But you, Fallon, I can live for you. I may not know what else I'm alive for, but I know that you're worth everything I've been through.

"Live for me. When you have nothing else left, remember me. I'm not going anywhere."

He stood almost nose to nose with her, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

[Malo]

Fallon turned to look at him, his words warm and encouraging. If there was one thing Fallon loved above all in the world, it had been her father. She gave a small smile, not wanting him to know how much happiness was bubbling inside her. She would never call herself kind, but the cold heart she'd once had was semi-melted it seemed.

Loyal to your bloodline...had she been? She thought back to her encounters with her mother, and almost cringed. Most of their time together had been spent arguing. Angry. Spitting words filled with venom and hatred at each other. The two had grown wary, but both were too stubborn to admit they cared for the other, needed the other. Her mother had been all she'd had for some time. And what had she done? Tried to break her down at every possible opportunity. No, she had not been loyal to her mother at least. Now she realized that all her spite had been a cry for a mother-daughter bond they had never gotten time to establish. And now it was too late.

She sighed, regretting how foolish and cold she had been. She could not turn to her sister now either; Naila had disappeared as of late and Fallon hadn't the slightest idea of where to find her, of where to start. She had never been close to her sister, but when Almira died, Fallon had sense enough to know that her only surviving sibling was the only one she had from now on. She did not count Almira's latest litter, simply because she'd never met or seen them. If they were still around, would she even recognize them? Maybe, but she doubted it.

In a way, they had both betrayed their mothers. Now, it seemed they were two peas in a pod, regardless of their different backgrounds. She buried her face in his chest, realizing how similiar they really were. They were kindred spirits, wandering the world trying to find where they fit.

She pulled away, her ears flat against her head in a submissive, pup-like manner. Fallon nodded, her mind focused on every single word he said. She found comfort in them. Live for me...I'm not going anywhere

With an even bigger smile than her last, she gave him a warm, caring gaze. "And neither am I."