mad season; [Justyn?]

[[Midnight]]

If she didn't think of him as a coward, then why was she choosing to word everything in such a harsh manner? He was being browbeaten. For whatever reason, Rose was not impressed with what he'd become. And here he thought he'd been happy... He thought he'd found stability, and had discovered himself at last. But trust Rose to bring him back to reality. Trust her to completely rip his heart out by forcing him to move forward even when he wasn't sure he wanted to!

His frown mirrored hers. He was not coming to any sort of understanding just yet. His eyes continued to search her face with great intensity. But if Justyn thought he'd been surprised so far, he was utterly unprepared for what was coming next. With her next few sentences, along with the growl of frustration she directed at him, he felt himself shrinking inside of his shell. She was right, as always. Duke and Justyn never had been the same wolf, never had gotten along. They would never see eye to eye. Duke loved power and killing and controlling with fear and death as his tools of the trade. Justyn? Well, what did Justyn want from life?

There was a time when he wanted to step up, aim to be the best, most powerful wolf in the pack. A small part of him still thought of it from time to time; the idea of following in Duke's pawprints to become the Alpha had its appeal. The only reason he'd dropped the ambition...well, take a guess. It was for Rose, of course. He'd still been incredibly young at the time, and had such a narrow-minded perspective - he was thinking of it in terms of overthrowing Duke to take over his kingdom. Time had progressed, though, and suddenly Justyn's eyes were opened to reality. Duke was old. He had such a limited time left.

When he died, who was left to take over?

Justyn felt sick to his stomach. He did not answer Rose's speech about what he did with himself, and how he'd never stepped up to the plate to be a real Beta. No, time stood still when, after all this, she threw the biggest bombshell yet on the table.

The shock on his face was evident enough. Justyn had stepped into a world beyond this one.

He had to sit back on his haunches, feeling as though he might fall over. It was almost as though he'd misheard her. He gave her an odd look of disbelief, looking dazzled.

"He...said what?" he stuttered, looking at the dark brown of her eyes, and then having to look away.

The hurt was mutually felt. What might have been a joyous occaision for him was robbed of all its passion. Everything about it cut him deeply; that Duke would force this upon his daughter, the idea that she'd been trying to 'seduce' him for a while now, but mostly, the tone of voice she used, and the fact that there was nothing happy in her eyes to suggest that she wanted to go down this road.

He wanted to harden his face and be angry, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. His ears pinned back against his skull in misery as he looked away from her piercing gaze, as though he were ashamed of himself.

"So," he started, his voice lacking emotion. He sounded weary and sad as his muzzle dropped his lips curling back in a slight snarl of pain; the emotional kind. "We've reached a crossroads. This is what it's come to."
He looked back up at her sharply. The anger was hitting him now. It was so fired up and brutal that he had to force his fur to lie flat. He had to take a moment to breath before he spoke, otherwise he knew he'd be saying things he'd regret.

"Rose, don't do this to yourself," he started back up with gentleness in his voice. He was swallowing with anxiety, his eyes scrunched up. He took a shaky breath. He was about to willingly spear his own heart with a stake; all Rose had to do was push it in. Just a few words; he was giving her the power.

"I can see in your eyes that this isn't what you want. I don't want this, either. It's sick. Your father is sick! How could he expect you to-"

He cut himself short and scoffed, looking away from her. He wanted to confront Duke right now and tear out the old man's throat. What right did he have to put these kinds of burdens on his daughter? Hadn't she been through enough? Damn him! This was exactly the reason he'd always kept his distance from him! He was capable of such cruelty.

"Why can't you just take his place? I can remain your Beta," he suggested, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice but failing pretty badly.

Something else nagged at the back of his mind. A face kept popping up; Fallon.

But there was no need to feel guilty over her... In the end she'd probably still get that Beta position she so wanted. Still, there was something pulling at him.

Oh, yes. Justyn had reached the crossroads of his life.

[Paint]

Rose watched Justyn flounder through his emotions. His reaction was exactly as she'd expected, the words Your father is sick! ringing through her mind. She stared almost blankly at Justyn before turning her head away, staring out over the Heathlands and inhaling slightly to check that there was nobody else around. Her lips had moulded into one angry black line as she listened.

"I've already said I'm not doing it. I've just told you that I wouldn't do that to you," she finally replied, looking back at him with a dull ache inside her. "My father is not sick. He is a powerful Alpha who has never had friends. Love was always alien to him, but he understood it in terms of mates. He doesn't understand friendship."

She looked at Justyn, wondering for a moment what his reaction would have been if she had done as her father wished. She imagined herself sliding up to him, running her tongue against his cheek, staring deep into those eyes. It didn't seem so strange to her, but she wondered if it scared or angered him. Even if Rose had been harbouring such feelings for Justyn, the possibility of going any further had now been ruined.

"I should not have told you," she sighed, looking away again. There was a silence in which the sadness was evident upon her features; they grew into their wisdom as she realised.

"There is no crossroads, Justyn. Not for me, anyway," she spoke again, wearied but vowing to be wearied for the last time. "I have nothing else left in my future. Only one path to take."

[[Midnight]]

Rose's words ruffled his rumpled fur. He shifted his weight on his hindquarters, while he scored his claws through the grass.

What a relief. The way she'd worded it, she'd made it out to be like she was asking him just to go along with it. He still wondered what she was thinking as his brows furrowed and he ran his gaze across her face, and into her eyes. For the most part, the anger between them seemed to be gone; she just looked defeated now, where Justyn just felt mentally exhausted.

He listened as she came to the defense of her father. He wanted to shake his head and shoot all of that down. No good father would ask his favorite, precious daughter to seduce a male like Justyn.

"Friendship," he spat out the word like it was poison. He felt himself mentally careening one way, while his heart felt like it was being torn another direction.

His eyes darted back to hers as she spoke so sadly of having told him the truth. He felt his frustration melting away again, replaced by his own sadness.

"No, there's nothing I hate more than lies. You should know that best," he said, his tone emotionless again apart from his despair. He realized it was killing him to look at Rose now. Somehow that stake had still been driven into his heart. But he reminded himself of what this entire conversation had been about; him shaping up. She wanted him to step up his game, be a better Beta. She even suggested that he get along with Duke.

Duke really thought he was going to die if the Stars attacked? Justyn was almost surprised the huge male wasn't keeping bodyguards.

The last thing Rose had said made Justyn feel sick. He stood back up on all fours, feeling the strength returning to his paws. Well, he'd always said he'd be there for Rose. Even if they'd always kept this strange, deep, platonic, almost obsessive friendship, he would always consider her feelings above his own.

So, what path was she thinking of? What would it be for her?

"No, Rose. You still have choices. You can take this down any route you want to go," he said suddenly, his passion returning to him thanks to his previous thoughts. He had this feeling that things between them may turn out to be different from now on, thanks to Duke shoving it into their faces. He imagined never being able to touch her again. He shivered, and spontaneously, he moved forward to bury his muzzle into the fur of her wan cheek, his eye closed.

"Rose, I'm here to protect you. Here's what I can do," he started, his voice muffled slightly, but he kept himself stationed there, breathing in her scent, one that had always been intoxicatingly sweet and nostalgic. "I will follow you down any path you want. If you wanted to take over the pack with me, I would do it in a heartbeat. If you expect me to step up and take your father's place, that will be my new goal. If you want to take over the pack without my help, you have my support. If we go to war, I'll use my last breath to protect your father, so nothing has to change."

He was even considering holding control over the pack just long enough for one of Duke's pups to take over. Why couldn't that be an option, too? For once, he was seeing their future in a tumult of winding pathways, and not just one ultimatum. Surely Rose saw all of these paths, too. So what was holding her back...and making her so sad? What other ideas were swimming in that clever, beautiful head of hers?

[Paint]

Rose had, of course, considered all of these options. But as she listened she shook her head ever so slightly, wanting to smile but unable to. As he moved towards her she almost flinched, but stopped herself and allowed him to be close to her again. She'd thought that her father's request would make her unable to be close to Justyn again, and she frowned against his fur. But she relaxed.

It was not awkward, or wrong. She did not feel that any sort of physicality in their relationship had been ruined. She whispered a thanks, barely audible, before considering the rest of Justyn's words.

"No, Justyn," she finally managed a smile, allowing herself to cry. Finally. "My path is clear. I will do my father's bidding, but I will do it alone."

She also considered taking over until a more suitable wolf, even one of her siblings, stepped up to take over. But Rose knew somewhere deep down that the control she had in her relationships with Duke and Justyn helped her get along in this pack. If she did not have that control over whoever next took over... she didn't see much point in staying. Her vanity and pride would not allow it.

"I was more insulted, actually," she said, taking a step back and smiling thankfully at Justyn for his warmth and kindness. But she wanted to look him in the eye. "That he didn't think I could do it alone."

[[Midnight]]

The hurt hadn't gone away; in fact, as Rose began to cry, and he backed away from her to see the tears, the hurt only deepened. Why was she crying? What were her tears for at this point; her father's old age, the situation that had been thrown on her shoulders? Or, was it Justyn's touch and promises? The confusion, longing, anger; all of it started to tear down at his sanity. He struggled to hold on to his stability. He could break down later, but not in front of Rose. Somehow he felt that he'd lost the right to do that.

Because things were different now. She was aiming to fulfill her father's desires. And she expected Justyn to help her keep things in check. Well, he could do that. But something about all of this just felt...wrong.

He managed to smile as she spoke of being insulted. It was smile that spoke of his pride for her, but also, there was a wryness to it. Duke...what a stupid old man! And yet, Rose's words continued to cut at him. The feeling that he wasn't needed, that he was useless, that he was something less than a dependable male, had him seeing Rose in a new kind of light.

He was glad to see her smiling, but there was little happiness reflected in his own eyes. It felt as though all of his hopes had been dashed; hopes he did not see clearly before this conversation.

"Rose. Promise me something," he said quietly, his voice layered with despair. He kept his eyes on hers, knowing that his eyes were what spoke the loudest and that Rose could always read what he was thinking and feeling.

"If...If your father really dies, don't shrink away from me. Don't try to do everything alone. I know you love him very much. I'm sorry you have to go through this."

[Paint]

Seeing the concern on his face, Rose managed to stop the few tears which had flowed from being added to. She lifted a leg and wiped her face against it, removing most of the traces of water from her. There was only a thin line giving away the emotion. She smiled again.

"I could never give you up, Justyn. My father's orders just confused me."

What she meant was that she felt he had taken away a choice. Rose had always assumed that if she had wanted Justyn in a certain way, she could have had him. It did not seem arrogant to her, only natural. She felt that his hostility with Raiden could not only have been borne out of friendship. Some things were written in nature.

However, looking at him now, having felt him against her even after her father's ideas had soiled any chance of a blossoming relationship, she knew it was not to be. Any jealousy she felt for Fallon melted away as she ascended into a state of mental calm again. Justyn deserved happiness, a good mate, and Rose knew that if she chose to walk in her father's pawprints, she would not find a better Beta.

"You know me," she began again, tone ever so calm but matter-of-fact in its sweetness. "You know that on the surface I will need to seem as if I am doing it alone. I can fight, and win, but I know where my real strengths lie."

So did he. Rose knew that her main strength was that no wolf seemed to want to fight her. Her sharp tongue and perceptive eye did more for her than teeth or claw ever could. And if she was challenged, well... her other strength lay right in front of her. This shone through her dark eyes with such intensity of affection that Rose could not, and would not, hide it.

[[Midnight]]

What she said was precisely what he wanted to hear; that she could handle it, but she wouldn't force herself to go at it alone. He was watching her tears flowing freely now, feeling an ache that he was part of the reason she was crying. By now, however, he'd fallen into a state of numb emotion. He could do little more than blink at her when he inwardly agreed with her statement that Duke had indeed thrown them both into confusion.

She seemed to have recovered most of her composure, but oddly enough he was not used to the this openly affectionate side of Rose. Even in their most intimate of moments, it seemed there'd been just a thread of herself she had still held back from him. At the time it was probably because Raiden had come back into her life; that happening was another stumbling block in their possibly romantic history.

Truth be told, this was the first time Justyn realized that Rose had been harboring these kinds of feelings for him. Always, he had told himself she would never want him. He could never satisfy her in a lover's kind of way.

He met her eyes and felt the love pouring out of them, and the trust that they'd both been depending on for so long now. Instead of feeling joy or warmth, there a shiver of something else; tortured despair. All of this was cruel to him. He felt Duke had cheated them both, this time from gaining something that would've ended in absolute happiness. Even then, he knew deep down that this wasn't even Duke's fault; it was just the way it had to be if she wanted to be Alpha.

His small smile was forced, and his eyes were not as passionately lit as her own as he stared back at her in his wounded manner.

"Well, my dear Alpha. You know me; I can always be strong for your sake," he offered quietly. He tried to keep his tone as detached as possible, but after he'd spoken, he felt he'd failed at hiding all of his hidden desires and simply came across as the tortured lover he felt he was now.

"Just stop looking at me like that, and I'll be fine," he added, regretting the words the moment they came out of his muzzle. Now that it's over for good between us, was what he didn't say, though it was being screamed silently around them.
His eyes dropped away from hers.

[Paint]

Something cooled in the air as she watched him and the emotions he was failing to hide. A glimmer of a frown crossed her face as she realised that she had been right all along. All it would take, even now, was a few words to make him hers in a whole new world of ways. Rose blinked and her face returned to its smooth, emotionless state.

"I apologise," she responded, mind running a mile a minute. She continued to look at him but the affection was long gone now. Rose was very confused. She refused to let this enter her voice or demeanor but stepped back a little, visibly assessing him.

"I'm not the Alpha yet. I may never be, remember," she reminded him, but she sounded a little distant. With a small, fairly forced smile, Rose glanced at him and then away to look around her. Her mind continued to turn. Why was he so disappointed? Had he been harbouring feelings for her that she had no picked up on? She was convinced that he was harbouring such feelings for Fallon, but... Did this change things? Had he not named Fallon his official mate yet because he was waiting for Rose?

A little anger bubbled up within her. If he had wanted her to be more, why had he never said? He knew that she had made peace with the death of Raiden. And moreso, was he purposefully keeping Fallon hanging because he knew he could have her too? The anger manifested itself coldly, Rose icing over once again as she stared at him.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn pulled himself together when his last words rang and repeated for long moments after he'd said them. Rose's reaction, the way she was so quick to wipe away her emotion, really hurt, but more than anything he wanted to kill himself for his own stupidity. It wasn't his intention to hurt her, but she'd uknowingly opened his eyes to what all of this was...which was his own one-sided fantasy.

He was just as confused as she was, really. Something in their relationship had changed, at least from his perspective. It wasn't the first time they'd so openly shared their affection for one another, but it was different now. He was, for the first time, coming to terms with the fact that he was seeing Rose as something more than friend. He'd felt it possibly heading in that direction before Raiden had returned, but when the older raven-black male had come back from the dead, Justyn had learned to suffocate his jealousy and avert his energy towards their new pups.

Well, whatever. There was no use in whining over it now. At least he'd always have Rose in the way that mattered most.

He sighed heavily, giving himself a quick shake and trying to put on a brighter facade when she had stepped back to take a long look at him. She reminded him then that she wasn't the Alpha yet, and there was still the chance she never would be. He found it hard to believe; now that he'd pictured Rose as the Falling Moon Alpha, he could see it. She'd be a great leader, far better than her father. She wasn't cruel, but she wasn't soft, either.

Her mood had changed again; he could sense it even before he looked back to her face and saw the change of emotion. Her eyes were cold, and he felt his heart twist with anxiety that he'd pushed her away with his attitude. It wouldn't be the first time his words cut even deeper than he realized.

He was quick to apologize.

"Look, I'm sorry," he said, sighing one more time to express his frustration. Well, maybe he should just be honest with her. Honesty was what they'd both promised to one another all along.

"I didn't mean that. You can look at me in whatever way you want; that other look would definately be preferable to this one," he said, meeting her eyes and feeling chilled to the bone at the coldness coming from them. He deserved it, though. It wasn't Rose's fault that he was a total idiot.

"It's just...you can't forget that I'm..." he trailed off, suddenly feeling embarassed by the whole thing. He looked down at his paws before continuing.

"It hurts. It just really hurts. I've been waiting patiently this whole time, and... And then you tell me all of this, and you look at me like that. I'm not made of stone."

And that was the best explanation he could come up with. He wasn't even sure if she'd catch his drift. His voice had grown quiet and he almost sounded ashamed of himself. He was wondering again how much of this had all been fantasy on his part.

"Nevermind that, though. It doesn't matter. I'm going to take your advice and step up my efforts around here," he suddenly said in a dismissive manner, his voice edged with mild hysteria. He was just desperate to escape this whole thing now, and put it behind him. And he also felt the need to get away from the one wolf who could always manage to break his heart and make him stronger each time for it.

[Paint]

Rose blatanly ignored Justyn's last comment, his attempt to change the conversation back to some form of normality. She continued to assess him, relaxing ever so slightly but not by much. How had she not seen? A frown crossed her face, momentarily breaking her icy composure. Justyn wore his heart on his sleeve, he seemed incapable of hiding his emotions. So he can't have known, before now. She would have seen it. She relaxed fully but kept her distance.

"But I didn't know you were waiting patiently," she murmured. "How could you expect me to know that if you didn't until now?"

She paused, the frown still present as she stared deep into him. They couldn't go on like this. But she knew that if she gave him anything, any kind of yes, she could probably have him still. Fallon crossed her mind again, but this time not out of jealousy. She felt pity for her. Rose thought about the way Justyn was with her and she realised why she had not seen what he was feeling.

"I know you hated him, but you have to understand about Raiden. There was no waiting around with him, or me. Once we met we did everything possible to be together, despite my young age. He is all I know of love. I didn't see the way you were feeling in spite of..." she paused a moment, wanting to make some reference to her sharp intellect. She knew her intelligence served her well, in most aspects.

"So the problem is that actually, I'm terribly inexperienced when it comes to matters of the heart. Inexperienced and old-fashioned."

[[Midnight]]

How was I supposed to know?

What a loaded question.

There was so much to someone like Justyn. Sure, he thought of others, but in most aspects he continued to stay naively self-absorbed. He didn't mean to be like that, but it was in moments like this one that he realized once again that he'd been thinking too one-sidedly. He hadn't thought to ask her how she felt. He never thought to take initiative. He always needed to be given a gentle push in the right direction. His deep-rooted insecurities made him afraid of all relationships.

It was his turn to grow irritated with her. His tail twitched as he met her stare and tried his best to let her words roll off of his shoulder. But he failed; every word cut at him.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore!" he growled, huffing impatiently after listening to her story about Raiden and their quick-to-set-fire passion. He figured she meant no harm in telling him the truth of her own shortsightedness, and that it was meant to clear up some miscomunnications, but truthfully it only hurt him. He hated being compared to Raiden, and hated how he continued to feel so insufficient and stupid.

"I was under the impression that you were still grieving Raiden," he explained in a severe tone, looking away as he recalled the memory of their first meeting after Raiden's death. It had taken them a long time to meet each other when the male had died suddenly, but their conversation had been one of the most intimate they'd ever had. He poured his heart out to her, and at the time, he thought he made himself very obvious in all of his affection for her. He wondered now if she even remembered what was spoken.

"Well, like I said, just drop it. I don't need to hear any more. I heard enough the moment you made it clear that the very suggestion of being with me is highly offensive to you!"

Before he could even see her reaction, he had turned on his toes and padded away a few pawsteps, wanting nothing more than to be swallowed up by a hole so he could escape this feeling of humiliation. Still, Rose meant so much to him as a friend; the thought of that made him stop for a brief moment. He swiveled his ears back so he could catch anything she might have to say, but couldn't bring himself to face her again.

[Paint]

Rose felt as if she'd been smacked in the face. His tone, his body language- everything was awful. She felt her head rise up as she listened, a physical representation of her attempt to rise above his cruel words. Rose saw every inch of that self-absorbtion that consumed Justyn. She grew even angrier than he sounded.

When he turned his back on her she felt overwhelmed by his childishness. She was not meaning to make him feel as if he had Raiden to live up to and she couldn't quite believe how this conversation had deteriorated. She had no idea that she could feel, and demonstrate, so many emotions in such a short space of time. Now she was left with an icy burning deep in the pit of her stomach that was coursing through her veins in cold, sharp stabs. She raised her lips at his turned back for just a second as he walked away. She saw his ears flick back.

"Blazing yet another trail through a relationship with someone who loves you," she couldn't help but say. Her voice remained its usual cool tone and she remained standing, refusing to move. Or perhaps she was unable to. "Let me know when you're tired of self-sabotage. I don't want to see you until then."