call it quits or get a grip

[Fire]

call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not

Lack of sleep was becoming a very real problem for Bion. In the past few days he'd be disturbed by nightmares that were becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish from reality, and he was so preoccupied with the problems at hand that sleeping was becoming less and less likely. There was a thick layer of dirt embedded in his fur, and it was starting to show signs of matting. His puffy eyes were bloodshot and dull. He could barely walk in a straight line.

To top it off, he was in the middle of No Man's Land. He couldn't remember why he'd wandered away from the pack lands, or how long he'd been here, but his head was killing him and he was about to collapse with exhaustion. He didn't care where. Fortunately, or as fortunate as Bion could be in his current state; he was in a forest, and he had enough sense left to search blearily for a somewhere safe. The safest place he found were the overgrown roots of a large tree, and he wasn't in a position to be fussy. Using the little energy he had left, he crawled beneath the tangled roots. It was quite tight, but the closeness was almost comforting. Then the shivering overcame him, and then he fell into a fitful sleep.

The next thing he knew, he was in a den. It was small, but cosy, and smelt faintly of rabbits and blood. He was surrounded by laughter, and black and white fur. There were pups, and he was fond of them. He tried to look at their faces but they were hidden from him. He was happy, content. He was a young; younger than he could remember being. When he turned around he saw Rose, and she was smiling fondly at all of them. Bion called her mother.

When he turned back around, there was only one pup. It was sat on the other side of the den, with its head down. Bion wondered if it was crying, and wandered over to it. But as he moved closer, the pup got bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until it wasn’t a pup any more. It filled nearly half the den. It looked up, and the room seemed to fill with cold air that chilled him to the bone. It was Duke, and he was snarling, moving toward Bion as if he were prey. But Bion couldn’t run, he could only close his eyes and brace himself-

For an attack that never came. When he opened his eyes again he was stood looking down into the gurgling waters of a river. Again, what he saw made him jump back in fear. It was Duke’s face that was staring back at him. Or so he thought. He forced himself to look back, and the swirling water distorted the image. When it cleared, he saw something even more terrifying than Duke. It was himself. Crying out in panic, Bion turned and ran away from the water's edge as fast as his legs could carry him, into a dark forest where the trees were jagged and bare. He didn’t know how long he’d been running before he tripped, landing in the roots of one of the trees and getting tangled. His vision blurred, but he was sure the roots were growing; extending; wrapping themselves around him. He cried out again, this time for Rose, and Taya, and Esmerelda, even his children, and tried desperately to claw his way free. The forest was laughing at him, though, and tears filled his eyes. He would die here. Here, with no friends and no comforting last thought.

The laughter began to fade, though, his vision became a little clearer, and the roots a little easier to untangle himself from. Eventually, he scrambled out from the clutches of the tree, and tried to stand up. He failed. The world began to spin, and he collapsed against the tree trunk. The dizziness was overwhelming, and without warning he began to retch. His eyes were still stinging and he was still shivering, but after emptying the contents of his stomach he began to feel a little better. Unable to stand up, he leaned uncomfortably on the tree, and began to try and sort his nightmares from reality. Strange thoughts were filling his mind, familiar scenes much like the one with Rose and the pups. Frustrating, he shook his head, but they wouldn't budge.

And then he realised: they were memories. And that was way too much for him to handle.

I'm glad that you can forgive
only hoping as time goes
you can forget

ooc: this thread is open, but Taya or someone in Bion's family would be particularly welcome ^^

[[Midnight]]

Suddenly Justyn jumped out of nowhere and eated Bion.

No Mans Land was like a peaceful escape, a divide between two worlds, each of which Taya was too scared to explore. In the north lay a family that she realized she had betrayed in the worst way. It was her that had convinced Bion to leave, it was she who'd told him to follow his heart, don't hesitate or you'll regret it. Now Taya knew that the time for her to face what she had done would come, and soon. She'd pay for her blind, ignorant stupidity. Caden was kidnapped, and she hadn't been there to help him, and she and Bion were more or less trapped by his presence. They couldn't just abandon their ex-alpha...nor could they return him without him and expect a warm welcome. She shivered when she pictured Bandit, who was likely acting as Alpha now, baring her fangs at her. She had grown close to Bandit, too. Just another friendship she'd thrown away so quickly. Tears felt welcoming to her, but she held them back.

I don't even deserve to feel sorry for myself, she thought as she scored her claws across the bark of tree. She hadn't hunted for a while, or groomed herself much very lately, and her toenails were a little bit longer than necessary. She stared at the marks made by her claws, her eyes emotionless.

"What am I doing?" she asked herself miserably. She had begged for adventure, leapt at the first sign of it, and now here they all were. She remembered having a talk with Oberon once, about how "boring she was." No wonder he had seemed unimpressed with her desperation for something worthwhile. He was probably thinking of her from time to time now, and saying to himself "you get what you ask for, you fool."

Depression was threatening to kill her kindred spirits. She slipped away for No Mans Lands whenever possible. Part of her hoped to see signs of some Stars wolves, while the other parts of her were terrified of facing them. What a coward she was. She shivered in the cool breeze, even though her pelt was more than warm enough. With a heavy sigh, she decided it was probably best for her to return "home," before someone found her out here, like Caden had been found only to be taken hostage. Besides, she knew she wasn't really trusted, so it was best not to stare longingly towards her old territory. She started to turn around, but stopped as she did so. Ears perked, she heard the sounds of loud scuffling. It sounded as though a large animal was struggling in the underbrush.

Taya grew wary. It could be a mountain lion, hungry enough to leave the mountains to find prey, or even a grizzly. She was going to scout around and find a different pathway home, but once again she stopped herself mid-step. The scent of wolf lingered in the air, occaisionally drifting with the breeze. It smelled masculine, familiar and comforting. The tears that were threatening to spill over in her eyes suddenly burst forth. It happened so suddenly, that she stared at the ground in astonishment, her eyes wide with wonderment.

Why did the scent of Bion stir the thickest of emotions within her? She struggled desperately to regain composure, holding back her wails so that only small squeaking sobs emitted from her throat. It took a few minutes until she could control herself. Her nose was wet and dripping, and her face distorted with sadness when she finally dared to creep forward, through the forest, following the scent trail carried by the breeze that caressed her pale furry face.

She was fortunate that it took a little bit to find him. At least now she could make herself a little more presentable - she didn't want her friend to know that she was dying inside, crying at the slightest provocation like a coward running away from responsibility. She found him leaning against a tree trunk. The shock of seeing him in this state, with the fresh stench of a recently lost meal nearby, made her look away with shame. She knew exactly why Bion looked so horrible. He did not smell of sickness, but he looked like a wolf who had lost hope. She just knew he was upset over what she'd done to him. Even now, she wanted to run away from Bion instead of facing his accusations, but she would not be able to live with herself if she did. Every pawsteps she took foward was a struggle until she reached his side, sitting down onto her haunches and sliding forward until she lay on her belly, her paws touching his side.

"Bion?" she said softly, forcing herself to look him in the face when she felt like the worst friend in the world.

[Fire]

Faces, scents, thoughts and feelings all seemed to flood into his brain at once and it felt like a physical force was pushing him further into the ground. It was impossible to make sense of them, but their presence seemed to conjure up in him every single emotion he’d ever felt at the same time. He tried to shake them off, tossing his head from side to side, but it didn’t work. Tears began to well up in his eyes. There wasn’t a specific reason for their appearance – it was more everything combined. Overwhelming was an understatement.

In his rapidly deteriorating state, Bion failed to notice to sound of paws lightly hitting the ground nearby. By the time he caught wind of the scent it was too late, not that he had any choice but to stay put for the time being. He jumped when Taya’s white pelt came into view, his muscles sent into a spasm in an attempt to mobilise him. Looking up at his friend’s face, he stared unseeingly at her for a few moments; his face filled with terror and leftover confusion. But when his vision came into focus, and his head cleared enough for him recognise the face before, the tears began to spill.

“Taya,” he said. His voice was no more than a desperate whisper. He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat but it was useless. Her presence seemed to tip him over the edge, and all he could was bury his whole face in her fur and let his emotions take hold. His entire body shook with long, racking sobs. It seemed like an eternity before he regained control of himself, but it could easily have been a few fleeting moments.

When he pulled away and looked at her, it felt as though the booming in his head had deflated; but it was replaced with something else. His face crumpled when he looked in her eyes, but he was a little more in control this time. “Taya,” he repeated. “I’m so- I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how s- for everything. I’m so, so sorry. This whole mess is- it’s my fault.” By now he had enough room in his head to wonder what an earth she must think of him; collapsing into her and weeping like that. As if he hadn’t put her through enough, now he was leaning on her for support. It should be the other way around, he knew that much. Taya had done nothing but support him and he’d led her into the most dangerous position she could be in. He was sorry, but it wasn’t enough. He had to make up for what he’d done.

The worst thing was, he knew what he needed to do, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. And it made him sick. What a coward he was. What a selfish, disgusting wreck he was. If only Taya could see who he really was. He wasn’t the wolf she’d blindly followed here. That wolf was just an illusion. Poor Taya. All she had ever tried to do was make him happy; make him believe in himself. She was everything that Bion could never hope to be.

She had to leave. She had to get out of here, but Bion was so terrified of being on his own with the Falling Moons that he couldn’t form the words. And it made him sick. He hated himself, so very much, for what he’d done to Taya. He wished that she didn’t trust him so much.

Bion looked away. He looked down at the ground, unable to look her in the eye after everything he’d become.

[[Midnight]]

The irony of this whole situation lay with the two wolves here, who in reality were feeling the exact same way, about themselves, about each other. Would this scenario ever be able to end, with one telling the other their apologies while each felt they were undeserving of forgiveness? There weren't really words that Taya felt she could say as Bion looked at her in suprise, his eyes full of more pain than she had previously guessed he felt. Then his face was buried into her fur while he just let loose. She felt suprisingly calm despite everything, though she couldn't hold back a few tears as she listened to Bion's cries and felt his pain, as sharp as a knife. So he had been suffering, just as she suspected he would be. They'd made a mistake in coming here; the both of them had acted like pups, knowing little about Falling Moon, and ignoring the fews things they did know.

They were two of a kind. Taya realized it now. Bion was certainly far better off than she was, after all, he'd just been following her advice, coming here to learn more about his memories and his puphood. The burden of this mistake was all hers to bare. That's why, as he began his stuttering apology, suggesting that this was his fault and not hers, she felt her breath hitch. Her heart fell to her paws.

"Bion!" she hissed, feeling this submerged passion coming out to the fore quite suddenly. How wrong he was! He had nothing to be ashamed of, and she hated the way he had to look away from her, as though he was frightened of what she thought of him. She would make him see what she really thought - that he was her best friend, kind, brave, and loving.

"Don't apologize to someone like me! You think I blame you?!"

Another tear rolled down her cheek as she struggled to keep the composure she had only just gained back. How could she put into words how innocent Bion was? How she wished she would just go back in time and change everything she'd said that day?

"Who came up with this absurd idea? Who told you to leave your family behind?"

She waited expectantly for his answer, which had only one obvious, correct answer. Taya. Taya was the mastermind behind this whole mess. She inched forward to rest her chin down onto Bion's large paw, feeling so lost. Somehow, though, knowing that Bion hadn't been sitting here brooding on his hatred for her, made her feel secretly better.

"No, this mess is my fault," she finished sadly, her voice just barely above a whisper. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. It felt good to get this weight off of her chest. She'd accept any sort of punishment sent her way, though she was afraid to say that the worst punishment of all would be getting seperated from Bion in whatever form. He was the only thing she had right now. "I'm the one who is sorry."