Open;; Miss Independant

[[Midnight]]

Justyn was surprised at how irritated he felt by her reaction to his words, the coldness in the look she had given him. Was every conversation with her going to be a caurosel of emotion, with Rose always refusing to give in to any kind of commitment? Even if it was something as small as a friendship?

"I smile when I smile, too," was his sharp response, bubbling with frustration. Rose was hurting, Rose was in pain, Rose had lost children and a love life and that was killing her more than Justyn's life was killing himself. He knew he shouldn't be so unfair. "The only reason why you don't smile around me is because I bring out the real you. You just showed me the real you a second ago, and the real Rose was so deeply troubled by my news that it shook my core. Of course you're not going to smile around me. But that doesn't bother me too much, because someday I'm going to get a real, genuine smile out of the real Rose. That's all I meant when I said I won't smile until you smile."

He felt his passionate blood begin to simmer. Why'd he have to be such a go-getter, the type who refused to back down from something he really wanted? It would be the death of him someday.
"You know," he rumbled, "I talked to your father. I apologized for threatening him. I know how angry I made you for doing that."

[Paint]

Rose grimaced at his scolding of her, telling her things she didn't believe. If he wanted a real, genuine smile out of her he'd be waiting a very, very long time. She continued to scowl, glaring at him as his speech continued. Then her expression was momentarily surprised at his last comment.

"Thank you," she said slowly, frowning as she tilted her head and looked at him. Her eyes moved out of the way of his expression and she looked at the ground. She was, to say the least, a little confused. But grateful, and relieved. She'd been scared that she'd have to come between them in a fight and that would've been pretty. Even she didn't know how that one would end.

"Why are you so intent on seeing the real me?" she suddenly asked quietly, intensely, looking up again with genuine confusion on her features. It was so alien on her face, as Rose was rarely confused about anything, that she looked instantly more vulnerable and soft. "I'm quite aware it's not all that pretty. I'm all twisted up inside, although I'm over my phase of hating everything and everyone I'm not sure there's any real substance inside me anymore."

She sighed, brow moving only slightly, the confused expression still in place. She couldn't understand why he'd chosen to really commit to this. She'd thought he would have just said whatever he could to get out of that embarrassingly open discussion they'd had a while ago.

"I'm all filled up with everyone else's problems, Justyn, I'm not sure I even have my own personality inside me anymore," her tone was vague, sad, and the truth of these words crept into her dark eyes with slow realisation.

[[Midnight]]

In response to her question, Justyn had the same reaction. His face distorted with confusion and thought, and he began to scuffle his paws against the dirt as if he was impatient. Although there were plenty of words he could reply with, he knew that he wasn't capable of getting Rose understand his incessent determination that he was going to make Rose happy again someday. He didn't understand it, himself. He had thought about it for a little while, the reasons why he had been drawn to Rose ever since their brittle conversation, but had come up with nothing plausible. Except that he didn't feel a need to be angry when he was around her... But that made it all sound so selfish. He knew he wasn't just using Rose to make himself feel better.

"I... Can't say why," he told her, in a strained voice, looking at her paws. "It's unexplainable."
Or was it? A reason flashed through his mind like fire.
"You're the only person I would ever tell this to. Maybe I've missed my parents more than I thought I did. You remind me a little of my mother. She would have said the same thing to me that you did about Raiden and your pups, and the look in your eyes... That little spark of hope... She used to look at me like that, too."

A painful memory seared into the present. Justyn watched as his mother smiled down at him, while she told her son that his father was feeling ill and needed to get some fresh air. Back then, as insightful as he was, Justyn knew that something was terribly wrong with that situation, but it he never knew just what it was. All he was able to piece together was that a hollow look came into her eyes and around the same time, Caerwyn was seen less and less by the entire pack.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and looked at Rose's black and white face.
"Your my friend now, that's all. Maybe I'm subconciously trying to recover my old self again. Being around you helps me to clear my head, which is ironic, because you could say anything you wanted to make me ten times more confused..."

[Paint]

Rose waited as Justyn was silent, arranging her thoughts subconsciously as always whilst her ears flickered out of habit. She felt in limbo for a minute, hanging on his upcoming words, hoping he wouldn't just cast her aside. Nobody really knew how vulnerable she made herself. No matter her clever and superior actions, she was always there for others and allowed herself to be very breakable. She walked a fine line in life.

Finally he spoke, and she looked up eagerly awaiting his answer. She did not smile, for his words were distant and distressting. But then she was glad that she had even a tiny glimmer of Justyn's old life in her. Even if it was a pack enemy like Midnight, Rose wasn't heartless enough to cast it aside. If she reminded him of her mother, she would not doubt it- after all, she did not know the Stars Alpha, no matter how much she'd hated her.

"I think you can find pieces of things you've lost everywhere," Rose said quietly, in a voice that suggested the corners of her mouth had turned up in a sad smile. Her face was ducked, though, so it couldn't be seen as she stared at the ground. When she looked up again, tears were gathering at the corners of her eyes. "I hope you do find your old self, Justyn. And I hope it takes you far away from here again. This isn't a good place."

She frowned, but obviously decided to change the direction of the conversation away from her previous comment.
"It's funny, I never thought I'd make a good mother. I told Raiden-" she grimaced slightly at the painful stabbing in her heart his name gave her. She glanced up apologetically. "-that maybe it wasn't a good idea. Maybe the Ice Queen Heiress was too clever to ever relate to pups, I could barely relate to my own family."

Suddenly a gush of hope, of happiness and pride filled into her dark eyes and lit them.
"But when you have your own little family, your own pups who have literally been made from your flesh and blood... it all changes. Maybe it's just because I wasn't expecting a change. I was expecting to pat them on the head and... I don't know, send them off to their uncles for fighting lessons. I wasn't expecting to feel so wholly attached. To love them so much."

She wasn't looking at Justyn now, she was staring away into the river, allowing herself to reminisce in this one moment with Justyn. Open her heart to the pain of the loss. Maybe it would get easier with more time. For now, though, the painful thumpings of her heart reminded her of the loss of the most beautiful part of her world.

"I miss them so much," she breathed, eyes filled to the brim with tears which had come to look a lot more natural running down her pale cheeks than they would have years ago. But still, she was smiling. Painfully, perhaps. The vivid memories of her beautiful little family, so separate and yet so part of her big family, were making her smile although tears ran down her face as the two emotions collided and overwhelmed her. She lay down gently, realising any moment she might collapse from emotional exhaustion.

[[Midnight]]

He wanted to say he understood Rose's emotions, but he just couldn't. He never experienced what it was like to be a parent, nonetheless to have all of your children - at once - snatched away at a young age. So the best that he could do for Rose as the fresh tears poured down her face was to be there for her as she mourned. He wouldn't tell her he knew what it was like to lose a loved one - nobody knows what it's like. Everybody handles things variously, every situation was different.

He quietly lay down on the ground in front of her, a soft whine emanating from his throat. Poor Rose... He was glad to be sharing emotions with her, but he didn't want to see her so sad. The only genuine thing he wanted from her right now was that happy smile. Of course, she needed to get out all of her pent-up sorrow, so maybe this was the first stepping stone towards some sort of recovery. Maybe now she wouldn't have so many terrible nightmares?
I don't know...
Spontaneously, Justyn reached his brown muzzle towards Rose's, and licked her wet nose.

"I'm sorry that you're hurting," he mumbled.

[Paint]

Rose looked up at Justyn in shock when he licked her nose. The gesture, she understood. But coming from him? It was odd. Maybe the Stars wolf in him was resurfacing, like he'd said. He wasn't a bad wolf, no. He wasn't like the rest of them here. He was just hurting, in pain like so many others, and he'd been dragged down a road of rugged survival. She blinked back the tears and took a deep breath, getting over the surprise.

"And I'm sorry that you're hurting," Rose whispered in return. "I want to tell you, Justyn. I want you to know."

She paused, frowned for a moment, and then shook her head and continued.
"This is not a good place for you. When you give anything to wolves like me, you're just giving them the power to break you. See, it doesn't cost me anything to open up to you like this. Not really. Everyone knows I'm broken, Justyn, and it's made me numb to any other sort of pain. It's as if I know the pain's there, when bad things happen, but nothing compares to the anguish of losing my private corner of heaven."

She sighed.
"I don't ever want to hurt you, Justyn. I want to be there for you," she whispered truthfully. "But I'm so scared I'll hurt you. I'm so very terrified I'll make things bad again. That's why I pretend all the time. It's very easy to act. I like to pretend that I'm happy, that I'm over everything. But that's going to take a very long time, and it might not work even then. I might end up dragging you down with me, and you don't deserve that."

[[Midnight]]

Justyn mulled over Rose's speech, especially the part where she told him he didn't deserve to fall when she fell. His ears pinned back against his skull and he stood back up, without bothering to shake grit from his pelt.
He wanted to smile but saved it for later.

"So what do you want me to do, Rose?" he asked quietly, patiently. His ears shot forward again and he peered down at Rose's face. "Do you want me to turn around, abandon you? Go back to my family where everything is safe and warm?"

His calm and collected face curled into a deep frown, and he sighed. It was obvious that he was being sarcastic, but he asked the questions genuinely. He wanted to know just what Rose hoped he would do, even though his resolve wouldn't budge one bit.

Silly Rose.

[Paint]

Rose shook her head and stood up as well. It felt better. Lying down felt like a loser's move. She sat down instead, it was neutral. She truly wanted to make him understand. Deep breath, try again.

"No, Justyn. I mean get away from here in general, from me and my family," she shook her head, grimacing. "Take your family and take them away too. Find somewhere better than here, because even if you're with your family in the Stars, this pack will try and ruin you."

She sighed again, speaking more quietly.
"I've lived this my whole life, Justyn, I'm so well suited for it now. You think that just because you can fight and you can act angry when you want to, you'll get by. But you aren't bad like the rest of us, Justyn, you could have so much more in life," she finished passionately, frowning at him. If he thought he was stubborn, he had another thing coming.

[[Midnight]]

Now he realized the real depth of Rose's words. He didn't realize that she meant for him to actually leave this place altogether. A passionate feeling of disbelief rose from the pit of his belly.

"Wait..." he started, raising his head stubbornly. "You want me to straight up leave this valley?" His voice was shrill with the emotions suddenly stirring inside of him. Rose truly did believe that she was going to be the death of him one day...

He stopped himself right before he spoke up again, closing his eyes and relaxing his muscles. He needed to choose his next words carefully and pointedly.

"Rose... Before I start to argue with your point of view, I want to let you know that I have already thought about leaving this place far, far behind. I wondered, perhaps, if I got up and left behind Dancing Stars and Falling Moon forever that eventually the pain of the my past would start to disappear, and the memories fade like the dewdrops in the morning."
His ears twitched in an uncomfortable manner and soon he, too, was sitting back on his haunches.
"That's when I had an epiphany; I'm not yet strong enough to leave the past behind. I cannot walk away from my home, the wolves that I will forever share a history with... They are a part of me. I might be an angry Falling Moon now, but that's only half of who I am. The other half is the sentimental bastard in me, the Dancing Stars side of me who was once an heir of my parent's pack. I doubt my sister and my uncle would feel any differently than I do about this place, if I remember them well enough."

Stopping himself again, Justyn frowned - but it was a curious upside down smile, like he just realized something new.

"If you're the Ice Queen, then I'm the Fire Prince. I'm the fire that burns up a forest until there's nothing left; a flash fire, maybe, which burns itself out too quickly... In other words, I will fight through anything that is in my way because that's just the stubborn asshole who I am. I may not know where I'm headed because the wind is always shifting, but I will never step burning until there is nothing more in my path that will feed my flames." Clearing his throat gently, he continued, in a softer tone - and there was the smallest hint of tenderness in it as well. "Rose! I'd rather die, being dragged down with you, then somewhere miles and miles away, feeling empty and alone. This is my home now, and as far as I'm concerned, you are my family."

Justyn leaned in closer to the female, a grin on his face that reached his wolfish eyes. Hopefully, he had explained his intentions well to Rose. He had no will to walk away from Falling Moon, nonetheless, Caden Valley, where his old heart would always lie. And he wasn't afraid of the consequences, which would all be held in the future.

"Don't be afraid for me, Rose, I can take care of myself. I'm lucky because I have no fear of fighting or dying. Just dying alone, that's all."

[Paint]

Rose listened carefully to his speech, sometimes her eyes narrowing with discontent or disbelief, or perhaps lighting up and widening with a different sentence leaving his mouth. She ended up with a sort of half-grimace half-smile on her face, but without a hint of confusion. Just a mix of emotions.

She sighed, her features relaxing, closing her eyes and just letting the breeze play through her coat. It was harder, when he was sitting right in front of her, to ignore the passion in his voice. It was what he truly believed, and Rose supposed she wouldn't be able to change that in a hurry.

But Rose didn't have to hurry. She had all the time in the world, frankly. She didn't care about getting old, or ugly, or weak. She knew that right up until her dying day, her mind would always be sharp as a pinprick and he couldn't change that. She'd had her own slice of perfection in her life, and apparently fate had decided against her keeping it. She could accept that, because she couldn't argue it. Sure, it made her miserable at times but now she had a new task.

She would just have to make Justyn happy and safe again, that would be good enough for her. If he considered her his family now, she'd do all that was in her power to do what families should do for one another- look out for them, do what's best for them. She knew what would be best for him; being with his real family, learning to love them again. Possibly denying the threat that Duke's wolves were bound to be. What she was bound to be.

"I suppose you think, Fire Prince, that if you're in the Moons you'll never be at a loss for fuel, right? You'll never stop burning," Rose reflected on the metaphor sadly. She supposed Duke would be the vast ocean- stormy nearly all of the time, whipping up waves and harsh winds to tear down anyone in his path. Ice suited Rose well. She was cold and stable, but the same all the way through, she could float on the surface of the oceans or create vast continents of her own. She realised now, though, that if you combined fire with ice, she'd be the one who would melt- and end up as a pale imitation of her father's wrath and fury. How depressing, she could not escape this paradigm.

So she looked him sadly and defiantly in the eye, telling him with her simple and mixed expression that she wouldn't be the one to give up now. Or ever. She knew what was best for him, something he'd never be able to understand as far as she was aware. His core was too good for the tyranny of the Moons wolves.

[[Midnight]]

The Moons would never be anything like his family and so he would never consider wolves such as Duke or Myu to be wolves that he would ever grow attatched to or even remotely sentimental towards. The only reason why he had followed Duke into his territory when he was still a pup was because he was confused, angry, and on the verge of death. Maybe he felt like he was being brave, walking in the footsteps of the montrous creature that had killed Xaka, his grandfather. Maybe he was amazed that Duke had even given him a chance to live at all.
Regardless, Justyn felt nothing towards the old man who had spared his pathetic life. The only reason why Justyn was no longer planning to corner the alpha and take him down was because Rose didn't want that to happen. The only reason why Justyn had promised such loyalty to Duke just a few days ago.

Justyn groaned at Rose's question, looking up at the sky in deep thought. The noise of the river had faded away during their conversation, and now Justyn was tuned back to it.

"To be completely honest, I have no idea what's going to happen to me if I stay with Falling Moon. I know someday I might be expected to turn my fangs on my old ties. One good thing, at least, is that it's no longer my mother or father leading Dancing Stars. I'll cross any bridge when it comes, though."

[Paint]

Rose watched his expression sadly, frowning at him. Change was in the air, as always. Everything changed. But she knew that for Justyn, there had to be good change. Because he was a good wolf. He had a good core, which meant that when happiness came to him it was more likely to stay.

Unlike Rose, who apparently was not allowed to have happiness for long in her life. If she ever did have true happiness again, she'd do all that was in her power to make the most of it. She wouldn't expect it to last, unlike before. She'd thought it would last forever.

"Hmm," she thought aloud, tilting her head to one side. "And what if it was another family member leading the new Stars pack? Which side would you be on when my father launches his attack? If push comes to shove, would you be able to snap your jaws around the throat of a long-lost family member for the sake of being a Moons wolf?"

She knew the questions were harsh, but she felt the need to dredge out of him all of these feelings. She wanted him to realise what he was capable of- and she wanted to confirm what she thought he was capable of as well.

[[Midnight]]

Justyn sincerely doubted that he could even touch his sister Esmerelda in an agressive way. She did, no doubt, still own a piece of his heart. As for Roan, Justyn had nothing against the guy, but he wasn't so confident that he would risk everything for someone that wasn't in his immediate family. The bond between littermates was way more powerful than the bond between a half uncle and half nephew.
That wouldn't make it easier to kill him, of course.

Maybe he wasn't as loyal to Duke as Justyn had hyped himself up to be. He would gladly let that bastard die if they were in a losing battle someday. But if it involved Rose...

Rose was just so different from any Moons wolf he had even dared to get remotely close to. Because she was letting him get so close to her, and being the only friend that he ever really had, he knew he'd stay loyal to her for a long time. Even against family. Everything was different now.

"It all depends. Whos' side will you be on?" he asked in a quiet voice, looking at her almost sadly.

[Paint]

Rose stared at him fiercely, watching him go over it in his head. Sad, that he would have so much bad to mull over so young in his life. Rose stretched her neck a little, sighing as she settled in a more relaxed position on her haunches. She looked up again, just as fiercely.

"Moons," she replied. Her gaze was set below a hard, demanding frown. She looked away for a moment, sighed again. She would be on the Moons, wouldn't she? Her frown still didn't change.

"Unless I find some way to escape." she finally said, in barely more than a whisper.

[[Midnight]]

How many more wolves were out there, anyway, that he was related to? Justyn was unprepared to find out. He had thrived by surviving on the feelings of loneliness, and he had to admit that he was a little frightened by the prospect of being around a loving family again. How much would that really change him? He was adapted to Falling Moon now. Maybe not the wolves in the pack, but the personality of it.

Justyn studied Rose's face with understanding, but also regret. Perhaps, by trying to hold on to a deep friendship with Rose, he was only making her life harder than she deserved it to be. If anybody deserved a helluva life, it'd be Duke, or maybe even his rival Myu. Stupid Duke, he was lucky to have a daughter who even cared about him one bit.

"Alright... Rose, I'm not asking you to be on anyone's side but your own. But the truth is, if I have to fight any of my family members - Alpha or not - in a battle pitted against our birth packs... I won't say I'd have the guts to kill anybody, but if they aren't afraid to bear their fangs at me, I won't be afraid, either. I will fight back. I'm on whatever side you're on."

Simple enough, right?

Or am I trying too hard to have the best of both worlds?